| Posted in You Missed It

You Missed It: Dogg house edition

It’s tough when something goes viral that is clearly just crap. Sometimes friends post headlines with things like, “After this, she did WHAT?!” and it ends up being a woman getting food spilled on her, then calmly walking away. This week, we had the “selfie,” with Queen Elizabeth. A couple girls took a “selfie” (it’s not a real word, so it doesn’t deserve to be treated as such) hoping to get the nearby Queen Elizabeth in the background, and OMG, they did! That’s totally a photobomb, right? No. It’s a picture of someone in the background who happened to look in your direction when the photo was taken. If you were busy winning the beat your wife lottery this week, odds are you missed it.

Snoop in the White House
This week, Snoop Dogg (or is it still Snoop Lion?) said that he smoked weed in a White House bathroom. On the latest episode of his online show GGN: The Double G News Network, Dogg said that while visiting the White House before an event last December, he said he needed to use the bathroom, and needed to light a match when he was done. Secret Service said lighting a paper napkin would be OK, so he instead lit a joint. Was Snoop telling the truth? Take a White House tour and try it for yourself this weekend.

Marching band has an O-H face
Jonathan Waters was the band leader of the (The) Ohio State marching band until he got booted this week for “highly sexualized” environment and hazing. According to reports, the band had sexual nicknames for most of its members, for example, “Jewoobs” and “Tits Magee.” They also had midnight band marches in their underwear. Why didn’t that iPad commercial have any of that in it?

Who are these people that like Jar Jar Binks?
Just in time for Comic-Con, the annual convention in San Diego about anything companies want to create buzz about, regardless of whether they have anything to do with comic books, FiveThirtyEight released a report finding that more Americans approve of Jar Jar Binks, from the Star Wars sequels, than Congress. Apparently, 29% of Americans approve of Jar Jar Binks, while only 12.1% like Congress. No word on what this means for the approval ratings of Binks and his fellow legislators in the Galactic Senate.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!

Science: No good reason for men to pee sitting down

Remember back when some scientist dudes claimed that men should sit down to pee to reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Scary, right? And we’re sure you’ve all been going along with it since then.

Turns out, that’s crap. Researchers have found no evidence to support the claim that sitting down to pee does anything other than make you pull down your pants.

| Posted in Regular Post

Florida men rob restaurant in the nude, take no money

Hazing is dumb. That said, the fraternities in South Florida must have legendarily stupid people involved, as only a moron would tell pledges that in order to join their group, they have break into a restaurant and steal simply food … in their underwear. That is, if a pledge is in a member’s good graces. Otherwise, they may have to commit the act in the nude.

After all, that’s the only logical reason for why that very act happened (warning: autoplay).

| Posted in Regular Post

Characteristics of donuts: delicious, not implements for crime

Curiosity: have we been secretly asleep for the past month? That’s the only reason for why there’s been so much crime involving donuts. First, “scientists” decide to give bears donuts and now, true brigands have begun using the delectable breakfast pastry for crimes. Crimes!

That’s right, in the great hippie state of Oregon, a group of knaves have been hitting numerous cars with all manner of donut: maple bar, cinnamon, maybe even a glazed!

If we may address these thugs of food: we understand that using food to commit your vandalism seems like a good idea. It’s difficult to remove and easy to obtain. Nonetheless, we must ask you, please, please spare the donut. If not for me, then for our stomach’s sake.

| Posted in Regular Post

International relations through farts

If you live in France, and if you’re a regular reader of this blog then it’s almost certain you don’t, keep your ears open this evening. There’s a fart heading your way from England.

British inventor and guy with a lot of free time Colin Furze has built valveless jet engine that kind of sounds like a big fart when it gets fired up (the jet, not the fart). Naturally he has also built a butt to put over it. Tomorrow, between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. Eastern, Furze is going to take his jet fart machine to the cliffs of Dover and see if the French 21 miles away can hear it.

They won’t, of course. But that doesn’t mean their military isn’t on high alert anyway.

| Posted in Regular Post

Gas problems at the burrito factory

Ever get one of those Evol frozen burritos at your grocery store? You’re not the only one with gas problems.

The Evol Foods building in Colorado had to be evacuated because of a gas leak. Surprisingly, though, it wasn’t a high concentration of fart-related gasses like methane that sickened workers, it was carbon monoxide. Authorities believe that the gas was caused by charging batteries, or it came from Larry, who reported the problem, because he who smelt it dealt it.

| Posted in Regular Post

I don’t think that’s how noblesse oblige works

Here’s (apparently) a rich man/poor man situation: peeing in public.

Super duper millionaire Robert Durst is accused of peeing in a Texas CVS. Why would someone with so much money do such a thing? Nobody knows. Perhaps he wanted to flaunt his ability to easily get out of a misdemeanor. Perhaps he really wanted to go. Perhaps he was marking his territory. The most logical scenario is that, as he’s super rich, he was probably in a suit and had his fly down, without him even knowing so.

Hey, he wouldn’t be the only one to accidentally have his fly down when he wears a suit.

| Posted in Eat My Sports

Eat My Sports: Tony, Tony, Tony …

For those of you not in tune with this slow time of the year in sports, Tony Dungy set the social media world ablaze with his seemingly bland comments about St. Louis Rams’ rookie defensive end Michael Sam. Basically saying he wouldn’t draft the NFL’s first openly gay player due to the distractions it would cause to his team.

This was taken out of context due to Dungy’s outspoken support and willingness to say he would draft or give a second chance to the likes of the rehabilitated Michael Vick, the pious Tim Tebow or the outspoken Johnny Manziel. The media attack on Dungy has been that he would support those players, but not one whose lifestyle went against his own personal beliefs. Continue reading

| Posted in Regular Post

Dr. King Schultz, much?

Most people tend to dread going to the dentist. With all the pointy needles, shiny lights and insistence on so much flossing, it’s understandable to have some apprehension.

Studio Dental’s probably going to make those fears worse.

A dental office in San Francisco, the company’s now partnered with tech companies in SF to bring a mobile office. And by mobile office, I mean a trailer that comes to your office. Slogging through the day? Why not brighten it up with a speedy trip to the dentist at your office and then be back to your desk to slog through the day?

Because no one wants that.