| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

If your eyes are blue, you’re probably not sober

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, are you alcohol dependent? Now, look at the color of your eyes.

According to a recent study, if your eyes are blue, you have a higher chance of being dependent on drugs or alcohol. It’s not your eyes, it’s in your genes. Researchers found that people with blue eyes were more likely to have the gene that makes them hooked on booze, compared to those who have brown eyes.

Granted, if your eyes are red, you probably already know what you have.

| Filed under Booze News

Drunk athletes make unwatchable sports entertaining

Sure, the Women’s World Cup is going on right now, but the Swedes may have come up with a new national competition, albeit accidentally.

To raise awareness about the dangers of swimming while under the influence, a Swedish insurance company invited a men’s synchronized swimming team (apparently that’s a thing over there) to get drunk and try to perform one of their routines. It is even more entertaining than probably intended, despite the serious message at the end. (They use permille, to convert that, just move the decimal over. 1.4 permille equals 0.14%.)

What if we took serious sports that people only care about every few years, a did them drunk? What if we had a Drunk Olympics? Diving would be must-see, gymnastics would finally be watchable, and discus throw would be riveting, because you don’t know what direction the athlete will throw.

The Guys are making a formal call to organize this. Let’s hash it out at the bar.

| Filed under Eat My Sports

Eat My Sports : Wilson WILSON!!!!

While most of you were once again pretending that you care about soccer (side note: I don’t pretend, I’m all in for it because of Alex Morgan and Hope Solo) the rest of the world has been buzzing about the impending NBA free agency period that begins at midnight and the contract status of one Russell Wilson.

Recent reports have that Wilson and hi agent want him to become the highest paid player in the league. Well, that’s all fine and dandy until you realize that $25 million is a significant portion of the 2015 cap of $143 million. Continue reading

| Filed under Popewatch!

Pope to get higher than himself in Bolivia

God may now be OK with cocaine.

When he visits Bolivia in July, Pope Francis plans to eat coca leaves, the main ingredient in cocaine. People deal with the country’s high elevation by getting high off the leaves apparently. The pope has specifically asked to chew coca leaves.

In related news, Pope Francis’ itinerary has him up and talking with people for 48 hours straight.


| Filed under The McBournie Minute

The McBournie Minute: Ban robot marriages now

On Friday, non-terrible people across the country celebrated the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. The decision came toward the end of Pride Month, and the international LGBT held impromptu celebrations. Landmarks were suddenly lit up like Rainbow Brite had come to town. It was a victory for love.

But that hasn’t kept the nation’s Wrong Side of History movement down. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has said that county clerks in his state don’t need to issue marriage certificates to same-sex couples if it is against their religion (read: if they have a problem with it and claim to be Christian). Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant said he is exploring legal recourses to the decision (spoiler alert: there aren’t any). Louisiana Attorney General Buddy Caldwell said his state doesn’t have to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, because the decision didn’t come with a specific order, because “It is so ordered,” isn’t clear enough. Amazingly, the South isn’t totally on board with social change.

This is obviously still a very divisive issue. So what about a marriage issue we can all get behind? Continue reading

| Filed under War on Animals

Token black bear at college party

Animals aren’t just out to kill you, sometimes they simply want to ruin your day.

In Pennsylvania, a bear totally ruined a college party on Friday night. Students at Lehigh University were hanging out, enjoying the nice weather and probably a keg stand or two, when a 400-pound black bear showed up and killed everyone’s buzz. Luckily, authorities were able to sedate the beast and haul it away.

We can only hope that the partiers resumed their revelry.

| Filed under You Missed It

You Missed It: Equal love edition

Hey look, something not terrible happened!
Hey look, something not terrible happened!

Being cool is a lot harder today than it was a decade ago, thanks to the progress of the internet. Ten years ago, the things we watched we on TV, and the music we listened to was on the radio. It was mostly how we learned about what the new cool thing was. Today, there are so many things to watch in so many different places online, and there’s so much music available to stream for free, you’re probably going to miss a lot of it. And now, James Taylor has the No. 1 album in the U.S. James Taylor. I no longer understand what’s cool. If you were busy selling your soul for success this week, odds are you missed it.

Love wins in split decision
This week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples have a Constitutional right to marry. The 5-4 decision immediately made gay marriage legal in all 50 states. So if you see people nervously looking at the sky, it’s just homophobes waiting for God’s wrath to strike America.

Flags of dishonor
Following the murder of nine African-Americans by a white supremacist last week, the South Carolina legislature said it would consider removing the Confederate battle flag known as the Southern Cross from capital grounds, after state leaders called for the move. Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley ordered the flag to be taken down from the state capitol. For those of you keeping score at home, it only takes the U.S. 150 years to fix important societal problems. So watch out, crazed, angry people: you’ve only got until 2165 to buy guns.

Señorita Los Estados Unidos
Following Donal Trump’s slurs against Mexicans in his rambling announcement that he was running for president, Univision said it wouldn’t air the Trump-owned Miss USA pageant. In response, Trump has banned all Univsion employees from playing at his golf course in Miami–you know, like a president would do.

| Filed under War on Animals

Bees kill more people than sharks, but a beeshark would be worse

It’s summer, and that means there are some shark attack stories in the news. It’s good to be ready to fight a shark every time you go in the water, but other animals are far more deadly.

According to statistics on how many they kill a year, the deadliest animals are bees, wasps and hornets, followed closely by mammals except for the third and fourth most deadly, dogs and cows. So basically, if the bees team up with mice, dogs and deer, we’re all doomed.

| Filed under War on Animals

Fish in New Jersey will bite your cojones

Two years ago, a vicious and invasive species fish was found in the waters off Denmark. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, it’s back.

The pacu, a fish at home in South America, has been found in a lake in South Jersey. This species of fish is a particular danger, because it has teeth, and has a powerful bite. What’s worse, they tend to target men’s testicles, thinking them food.

So in case you were planning on going in any water in New Jersey this summer, don’t.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Coming soon: A pill that makes booze good for your liver

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that an almost daily basis there’s another report extolling the health benefits of booze. But no one’s ever said drinking is good for your liver — until now.

Scientists in China have a made a discovery they say could one day lead to alcohol being good for your liver. Researchers say they have isolated a gene that allows the body to store the energy from booze as glycogen, rather than fat, which harms the liver. They say this could lead to a pill that can boost your PPP1r3G gene to store glycogen, making the only unhealthy part of bending an elbow actually beneficial.

It’s a brave, boozy new world.