| Filed under MasterChugs Theater

MasterChugs Theater: ‘In A World’

Voiceover is an integral part of the sale when it comes to commercials, movie trailers and television show announcements, and the more memorable the better. But did you ever notice that most of these announcements are made by men? In A World… evokes this notion with its title, a phrase made famous by the late, great voiceover artist Don LaFontaine. Continue reading

| Filed under War on Animals

Crap, it escaped!

Hey, people of St. Paul, Minnesota? Umm, could you maybe do us a favor?

Sooooo, we had a super rare hummingbird locked up in a cage over at SG Towers. It was all part of our plan to rid the world of the rufous hummingbird, thus depriving one more species of enemy.

Except, uhhh … there was a snafu. The bird got loose and apparently is now found in your neck of the woods. How crazy is that?! Look, if you find it, by all means, capture and send it back to us please. We’ll reimburse you with many internets. If you can’t capture it, well, you’re Minnesota in November and it’s a hummingbird. Nature will take over soon.

| Filed under Sex Sells, War on Animals

Penguins report sexual harassment from seals

We may think of animals that live in the Antarctic as cute, and because they live so far away from us, we may not consider them a threat. We should. Turns out they’re trying to create a master race of seal-penguins.

Researchers observing Antarctic wildlife reported and recorded numerous instances of fur seals chasing down and copulating with king penguins, and the flightless birds did not seem to consent, either. This has to stop. They are attempting to create a new weapon against us, and besides, we shouldn’t condone sexual harassment in any form.

It’s on us.

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Why you should donate to Movember

Hey, sexy donors.
Hey, sexy donors. Hey.

A couple of weeks ago, I explained why you should sign up and grow a mustache for Movember. Several of you answered the call, and now our team, The Proposers, has raised $786 towards our goal of $3000.

If we don’t reach $3000, that’s fine. I’m grateful just to raise anything, whether it’s a dollar or just some awareness. But, I’d hate for you to miss an opportunity to participate in an event that makes a difference for a lot of men and their families.

So, since I’m growing a mustache and because I was raised Catholic (see #2 below), here’s why — if you’re considering donating to Movember — you should donate to Movember.  Continue reading

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

Breaking news: Trans fat are STILL bad for you

How Paula Deen forgot that the n-word isn't a go these days is now explained.
How Paula Deen forgot that the n-word isn’t a go these days is now explained.

Approximately 10 or so years ago, science broke the news that trans fat, that which is in just about everything that’s not good for you, was not good for you. People were shocked! Did this mean their french fries shouldn’t be eaten in mass quantities?! Was eating an entire package of Oreos a … gasp … bad thing?

The answer to these questions was yes. As such, food companies made numerous and public proclamations that they’d change the ingredients of their food. No more would they use trans fat, but instead a different kind of fat. It was essentially using a slightly shinier pile of poo.

Now, science has come back to us, stating to the masses that trans fat is still bad, just this time around, they might be screwing up your memory. This is literally niche news, as it affects the percentage of people who didn’t give up their snack sticks of butter. Perhaps upon seeing the headline, they’ll rethink their choices. The study tells us otherwise, as in 5 minutes, the news will be literally forgotten in lieu of getting another butter snack stick.

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals

Birds get so drunk that they can’t fly

In the wilderness, you have problems you just don’t see anywhere else. When you live in the wilderness of Yukon, Canada, things get even weirder–like drunken-birds weird.

Birds are getting drunk on berries that have been fermented by frost. They get so drunk that they can’t fly correctly, and fly into people’s windows, houses and cars. The drunken onslaught is likely to continue until either the berries are gone, or the birds join AA.

In other news, you can totally get drunk off of frost-fermented berries.

| Filed under Regular Post

Because crazy people should be able to live in comfort too

Are you a crazy person that believes the end is so very near?

Do you have a lot of money just laying around? I mean, a lot of money?

Then get your checkbook ready and head on down to Concordia, Kansas. Developer Larry Hall has put the last 5 years of his life into building the Luxury Survival Condo. For only 3 million dollars a pop, condo buyers could get a slice of security … under a prairie. While the urbans (translation: not-white people) rob each other, you’ll be able to climb a rock wall. As the riff-raff (translation: people in a lower income bracket than you) cannibalize their own babies, you’ll be able to take in a night at the cinema. And once the urbans and the riff-raff have been cleansed from the Earth by the purifying power of white Jesus, you’ll be able to take all the good times in thanks to electronic windows.

Hall says that slots in the silo are all sold out, but if you dedicated the past 5 years of your life to a project exclusively devoted to rich and crazy survivalists, wouldn’t you too?

| Filed under Regular Post

Ohio cops crash into each other, hit school with tear gas

If a riot happens in Columbus, Ohio for some reason, the police will not be ready for it, because of a training exercise gone wrong.

While practicing a convoy as part of a riot training program one police car hit the cruiser in front of it, which then hit the police car ahead of it. This was made all the worse because of the larger bumpers and push bars that they have. All three cars were taken out of service. The same morning, the training moved on to tear-gas. Police launched 15 canisters in an open area, but the wind too it 3,000 feet to an elementary school, where 14 children and a pregnant, asthmatic teacher were affected.

It in other words, was a rousing success.

| Filed under The McBournie Minute

The McBournie Minute: Neil deGrasse Tyson sucks at movie reviews

For a long time, science wasn’t really cool. Now it’s all over your Facebook news feed, right up there with baby pictures posted by some girl you talked to at a party once in college. There’s a cultural movement in the country encouraging scientific literacy, which is a good thing. Every movement needs a face, and for this one it’s astrophysicist and cosmologist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Even if you don’t know him by name, you recognize his face. He’s been everywhere in recent years, most recently, he hosted the reboot of Cosmos. He’s a smart man, he’s got personality, and most importantly, he’s really good at explaining complicated scientific theories and principles to the masses. He’s knowledgeable and likeable, and he does important work.

So why the hell is he talking about movies? Continue reading

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

You kiss your mother with that bacteria?

"Achtung, baby. Wanna raise your IQ a few points (presuming that bacteria has anything to do with it)?"
“Achtung, baby. Wanna raise your IQ a few points (presuming that bacteria has anything to do with it)?”

Taking a break from their perpetual contact high, Dutch scientists examined kissing. And they found that your average 10-second Freedom Kiss can transfer up to 80 million bacteria between participants.

To figure out what transfers most readily from tongue-to-tongue contact, the scientists had one participant from each pair drink a probiotic drink. And, based on the results, they hope to one day use this research to help “design future bacterial therapies and help people with troublesome bacterial problems.”

So, if you don’t like yogurt, you could always try making out with Jamie Lee Curtis.*


*SeriouslyGuys is in no way responsible for what Jamie Lee Curtis’ security does to you for attempting to make out with her.