Day: July 21, 2006

The first known of its kind. Now you can know how long it will take until your kids will start nagging. Brought to you by Scottish professors of mathematics who have too much time on their hands.

Even Dakota Fanning cannot deny the Guys’ Serious influence on Hollywood. We’re power players now, baby.

When we reported that perverts face a shortage of child pornography, Fanning decided to “deliver the goods” to her biggest fans.

You sickos had better thank her understanding parents.

Apparently 14 to 16 year-old girls will do anything for sex, from boarding planes bound for Palestine to meeting vampire impersonators in cemetaries.

This blog blames the parents of these children, for not explaining that it is far easier to be sexually irresponsible at home or school, and hometown perverts, for not reaching out to their own communities more.

Japanese Beef Inspector.

Even if it is four years old.

It takes a lot of talent to poop into a baggie while steering a big rig.

Key quote: “Nile Easton: ‘Right now we’ve been finding a lot of ziploc bags full of urine, feces, drug paraphernalia, used needles, blood.'”

This raises one more question: no semen?

We at SG would like to wish a warm, if sarcastic, happy birthday to Rick Snee. He is a whore.

North Carolina knows what issues are really important. Still deemed illegal: playing doctor.

Undaunted by her frequent contact with Kevin James, the Cruises allowed Leah Remini to fondle their new–well, newer–baby.

That’s a total of three people claiming Suri Cruise does, in fact, exist.

This has been an entry for Suri Watch ’06: a service provided by your news studs, SeriouslyGuys. We’d also like to thank our new ace reporter, Will Smith, for his unnerving photos from the field.

Welcome to the future of humanity … 200,000 years ago!