Month: July 2006

In the end, it was apparently all for nothing.

Don’t be down, Fu Xiancai. After all, think of the memories that you’ll be able to say … over and over and over and over. Literally.

(Courtesy of Mike Morrow)

I’m pretty sure that a 110-pound dog falling on me from 20 feet up would do more than just scare the crap out of me. They apparently grow their boys big in Warsaw, I assume.

(Courtesy of Mike Morrow)

It was the news that gave a reach-around to the entire world. Lance Lance came out of the closet. Protests took to the streets, governments shut down and descended into chaos, bets were won.

Now, one brave Washington Post staff writer has the courage to discuss her realization that she will never be with Lance Bass.

Let’s face it, that’s the important, quality journalism the Post is known for.

According to CNN’s analysis of U.S. Census data, Wisconsin is the best example of all of the states in the U.S.

So that means we are all Wisconsiners, Wisconsinites, Wisconsonians or whatever they call themselves out there.

Wouldn’t it be nice if someone would finally block out the sun? Think of the lives saved, tan nazis.

The nancies at the World Health Organization (or the WHO) recommend anyone with fair skin apply sunscreen whenever sun exposure is “unavoidable,” but otherwise stay indoors until nightfall.

It’s from the Middle East, it’s chewable and it’s illegal. It’s khat (rhymes with “shot”). Strangely enough, it seems the drug is widely unknown in the U.S., but is treated as any other illegal drug, in most of the rest of the world, it’s mostly accepted.

There’s nothing particularly amusing about this, other than the fact that it seems to be popular with cab drivers. The good news there is that when you mispronounce their name they’ll be too stoned to correct you.

It must feel pretty darn good when the next guy to win your race can only do so with performance enhancing drugs. It must feel even better when he needed testosterone and you only have one testicle.

This blog is brought to you by testosterone: is it in you?

They’ve got nothing on the ruthless gangs of Rio de Janeiro. Now that they are being broken up, the world is a safer place.

Excuse me. The new contemporary take should be “the bugs and clothing fibers crawl in, the bugs and clothing fiber crawl out ….”

Scratch Texas off of the visiting list.

July 26th is a huge day for national firsts, and SeriouslyGuys was there at each one, cataloguing them for posterity, providing our own insights, and shaping this political experiment called America. Don’t believe us? Check out these entries From the SeriouslyGuys Vault:

Wednesday, July 26, 1775

Colonies goe Postale

The Continental Congress, in their abyding Whisdome, has established a Postale Servise for the Colonies. This Servise shall replace the Royale Servise, which can get Stufed.

Today’s Deliverie shall include the lateft Value-Pak with Coupones for free bleeding by the Honourable Doctor Benjamin Rush, Coffee for a halfe-Shilling, and buy-one-get-one-free bifocales at Franklin Optometristrie.

Sunday, July 26, 1908

“C-Men” swarm the streets

U.S. Attorney General Charles Joseph Bonaparte has established a new federal detective squad, called the Office of the Chief Examiner. Manned by the soon-to-be legendary “C-Men,” the task force will keep close tabs on enemies foreign and domestic and prosecute those criminals who cross state-lines.

This is the first attempt by the government to establish their own bureau to investigate federal offenses.

Side note: This blog believes “FBI” would make a niftier name for the crimefighters.

Friday, July 26, 1991

Today’s secret word: “masturbation”

Children’s entertainer Paul Reubens, more affectionately known as Pee-Wee Herman, was the first man to masturbate in an adult movie theater today.

Obviously he was the first to ever do it since his was the first arrest of public note for the offense.

While incensed parents have begun burning Pee-Wee paraphanelia, this blog urges open-mindedness: it’s not like he’s into children.