Day: August 24, 2006

Apparently how “uncool” the United Nations is has gotten to Megadeth frontman Dave Mustane. But if you really want to stay cool, try this.

Yes, it sounds like the downright dumbest idea for a film ever. Ever. Snakes, on a plane, these guys must have been smoking something pretty good to come up with this idea, and yet, been smoking something even better to make this film work.

If you haven’t been paying attention to the internet, or, let’s say media in general for the past year, then you’ve missed one of the biggest buzzes for a film since the word got out that Amanda Peet was going topless in “The Whole Nine Yards.” Countless internet campaigns, commercials galore, and just the question of what can actually be done with a film about snakes on a plane unless it was a clever porno title, created quite the hype. Well, what happened was whether by actual intent or not, one of the best all around theatrical releases in quite some time.

The film stays true to the elements that make cheese films of this genre … cheesy. Pointless sex scenes, inventive deaths (puncturing glass through the jugular and having a heel buried into an ear to name a few), corny one-liners and a cast that knows that the very idea for the film borders on mental retardation.

There though, lies the selling point. The entire cast took this film as seriously as Pacino and De Niro took “The Godfather.” Oh yeah … and there is this Samuel L. “I don’t turn down any mothaf***ing part” Jackson guy, might have heard of him.

Let it be known that if it is anyone other than Jackson doing this film, point blank, it sucks and bombs. Can you imagine Morgan Freeman screaming out “That is it! I have had it with these mothaf***ing snakes on this mothaf***ing plane!!!”? Thought not. Jackson anchors the film down quite steadily with his no nonsense approach. But the fact that Jackson takes the film so seriously makes this film a classic in the making.

Cinematically, it’s got everything you need: gunplay, unnecessary nudity, nonstop action, venomous snakes engaging in an epic battle with the baddest mother on the entire planet, unnecessary nudity, the basics. All of that mixed with Jackson’s ability to make you laugh while he’s delivering his lines with stone cold stoicism, makes you forget that the very idea for this film was probably developed over some late night stoner munchies at the local Waffle House.

“Snakes” overcomes the stupidity of the plot because while the actors take the film seriously, the film itself doesn’t. For example the passengers develop an idea to build a barrier between them and the snakes using luggage. Then, about five minutes after the barrier is in place you hear someone scream out in shock and terror that somehow the snakes had managed to figure out how to get through the luggage. One word, brilliant.

The hardest part is convincing yourself to pay the $8 to check this film out. Getting past the idea that it is indeed a film about snakes on a plane is pretty tough to do unless the idea had already started to marinate for a bit. For what it’s worth though, it’s a cult classic already. Could be worse, at least it’s not a film about people from Turkey trying to bring a penis pump on a plane, though the verdict is still on whether or not Jackson will take that role.

Rating: A+

And while you’re enjoying that Bimbo bread, why not try some macaroni and cheese loaf? Who doesn’t love mac and cheese? Now you can have it for lunch–with loaf.

The penis truly mightier than the sword … er, bomb.

On a related note: ladies of Turkey, watch out for this stud!

(Source props to Robyn E.)

Listen up, meow. We’ve got ourselves quite the situation in Pennsylvania. Meow, it may seem funny to make “meow” sounds at old ladies, but it just isn’t, meow. In fact, “meow” can be downright scary, meow. So let’s straighten up and fly right, meow, okay?

This entry was written while listening to “Right Meow” by Van Haggar.

This is SeriouslyBreaking News. According to the Associated Press, Pluto is no longer a planet. Astronomers met and voter on a definition for planets that seems to have demoted Pluto only moments ago. (We’ll post a story as soon as someone writes one.)

Great, now how am I going to remember the order of planets? We need a whole new mnemonics sceme for the solar system!

UPDATE: Here’s the story. We even beat CNN, Fox News and MSNBC to it.