The U.S. Supreme Court could be meeting up with Kenneth Starr very soon over a case whose time has clearly come: can high school students in Alaska hold up signs during the torch run for the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics?
More so, can the signs read, “Bong Hits 4 Jesus?”
We try to give our readers what they want: stories about free speech, Christian beliefs and pot. Clearly, they are all issues that go hand-in-hand.
We here at SG are always trying to degrade make fun of inspire humanity. That’s why we bring you two bits of good news to start off your day this morning:
Jessica Simpson is ordered to shut up.
Paris Hilton’s album is not selling very well.
Perhaps there is something right in this world after all. Now go smile.
Not even an impending wannabe hurricane can’t stop one man’s crime spree. Take that, Volusia County, Florida!
That man is also the winner of the most creative and comical crime of the month.
Barbie can date, drop Ken, have a Malibu dream house, come in 31 flavors … but she can’t be a lesbian?
Just when you thought Russia couldn’t go lower … someone did.
And boy, did it cost him.
(Possibly NSFW)
A topless kissing booth makes for a surprisingly successful fundraiser.
Business tip #1: Adding “topless” to almost anything, is a pretty much guaranteed way not to fail.
Examples: “Topless Bakery.” “Topless Swimming Hole.” “Topless Tire and Lube.” “Topless Volcano Tours.”
Hmmm … maybe not so much that last one.
This wasn’t just any contest….this one was for the universe!
Coincidentally enough, it would seem that the universe also revolves around China.
People living in the greater D.C. area have long hated the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. Located on the Capital Beltway, it has been a symbol of 24-hour traffic problems. So much so that residents have grown to hate the bridge, some lesser-educated ones calling for Wilson’s impeachment.
They had a contest to blow up the old span of the bridge. This blog is always a fan of blowing things up for random reasons.
Here’s your morning inspiration. By inspiration, we mean a story that will make you:
1) Weep for joy.
2) Tell your kids you love them (lies never hurt nobody).
3) Hug your bartender.
4) Make parole.
5) Make whoopee with someone way out of your league.
6) Finish that novel.
7) Kill a mockingbird.
8) Get a sunburn.
9) Shave that scrotum.
10) Look up a new word in the dictionary (how about “queue?”).
A woman in China crashed her car after giving her dog a driving lesson. Who knew they had cars over there? This blog was under the impression they only rode bicycles.
Key (rhyming) quote: “‘They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car.'”
China’s official Xinhua News Agency did not release details about the dog’s breed or current condition, so feel free to make a joke about China’s food quality.
