Halloween set the formula for almost every slasher movie that followed it, from Friday the 13th to A Nightmare on Elm Street to I Know What You Did Last Summer. On that last particular note, I’m not sure whether to praise it or condemn it, but regardless; it’s still the best of the bunch. Shot for a mere $300,000, it definitely has a small-budget look and feel to it, but that’s also part of its charm, I suppose. Want to know another thing that it has going for it? The title of being one of the two greatest slasher movies of all time.
Month: October 2006
Old people can hurt you
Geriatrics just might be the world’s new superheroes. A 68-year old Nebraska man beat up two whipper snappers trying to who tried to rob him.
Think twice before making fun of Grandpa.
Cheney shooting off again
OMG, Cheney totally went there!
We intercepted a phone call from Karl Rove to the vice-president shortly after the remarks. NSA has their wiretaps; we have ours.
ROVE: Dude. Exnay on the urturetay. Seriously. You’re old and dying, but there are other Republican candidates running for office in 2008.
CHENEY: Go #&@% yourself.
ROVE: I’m just sayin’.
Geriatric gyrations
I don’t care if it’ll bring dead unicorns back to life-there is not a cause good enough on the planet that justifies 70 year old men stripping.
I mean, won’t someone think of the Chippendales’ dancers?
Can’t touch this
My, my, my, my muscles hit me so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me
With a desire that’s weird and two hyped feet
Feels good when you know you’re a fool
A superbowl homeboy from Liverpool
And I’m known as such
And these are muscles that you can’t touch
Birdwatch: 2006
Those dastardly birds are after us again! Say no to cloning, otherwise we might be in for this. I mean, seriously, did you see that picture? And they’re calling it a freaking “terror bird”. Terror bird. That doesn’t exactly make you think of something warm, cuddly, and soft like a marshmallow.
Ahem. So in conclusion, we can’t let this monster be brought about again upon the world, because if we do, the terror birds win.
You’re only as old as your fist
Remember kids, there’s nothing wrong with being beaten up by a girl. There is, however, a world of lameness when being beaten up by an unarmed 68-year old man and you’ve got a weapon.
(story courtesy of Jocelyn Franklin)
Garlic + sunlight = an odor that you wouldn’t believe
You know, I wish this math was taught to me in high school. I might’ve actually stayed awake then. Or used it to create an algorithm for werewolves.
Remember, just like we said in previous stories: if a doctor says so, then it must be true.
First of many Trials of the Century
This trial should be more annoying than when Clinton asked the court to define “is.”
Other expected defense methods include:
1) The I’m Not Touching You draw.
2) “Stop it!” “Stop it.” “I mean it!” “I mean it.” “You’re a jerk!” “You’re a jerk.”
3) Celebrity guest witness Charo.
4) Badgering the witnesses … with a real badger.
If you give a maus an army …
Jeez, didn’t these guys learn anything in 1945?