Christmas Eve was not a happy event for all. If you were trying to rescue a 300-pound pig from a house fire, things just got worse.
Wait, why was there a 300-pound pig, much less in need of saving, and why was the pig inside the house? Oh yeah, Tennesee.
(Courtesy of Adam H.)
Those monsters of nudity, Microsoft, are at it again. A boy in Utah gets hardcore porn instead of the Xbox 360 game that should have been in the package he received as a gift, proving once again that porn in Utah can take less than a week to become a full-fledged story, this is easily the stupidest 14 year old male, and that Madden 07 sucks.
Or maybe it blows. I’m not too sure, as I wasn’t the one that played that particular game.
… but I won’t do that; however, apparently some individuals will though. A mannequin fetishist could face life in prison, because he keep breaking into stores to get at the plastic ladies.
SG would now like to announce the first annual charity event for us: contribute to get this louse a Real Doll!
Pat Robertson is a pretty creepy guy.
His latest prediction of “‘mass killing’ late in 2007” follows his other “predictions” of Bush’s 2004 reelection and heavy rain in New England this year. Why bring these up? Because they’re not predictions, they’re wishful thinking. They follow his political and wrath-of-god wishes to promote The 700 Club.
What he really means to say is that he wants terrorists to attack in September 2007, before the election.
With that in mind, here are The Guys’ predictions for 2007:
1) Mike Tyson will eat a baby. Alive.
2) The new Indiana Jones movie will inspire DILF Internet porn sites.
3) Pat Robertson will be crushed by his leg press machine.
We’ll keep a running tally this year as all of our predictions come true.
It’s been awhile since we’ve started off the day with news this good. But luckily, there’s good news again.
This execution in the War on Animals can be likened to the hanging of Saddam Hussein–a long time coming.
SG: Your source for whale euthanizations.
On this Thursday, the third Daye of Januarie, in the one-thousandth five hundr’d twenty-furst Yeare of our Lord
Pope cares not for smell of Luther’s thesies 
Pope Leo the Tenth excommunicated th’ Heratick Martin Luther t’day for say’ng mean, hertful Things ’bout th’ Holy Church in His nin’ty-five thesies.
“I, Pope Leo the Tenth, hearbye banesh one Martin Luther for being an insolunt Bugger and hope he burns in Hell on th’ morrow, or ashuredly by next week Thursday,” the Pope sayed.
Luther could not be reech’d for comment, His Assistunt saying He was “endesposed.”
