Day: January 4, 2007

Two heads are, clearly, better than one.

We hope they’re also twice as delicious.

You know what’s fun? Taking out your frustrations on the people that cause them. Too often we as a society are polite and, rather than choose to tell those who frustrate us that they are doing so, we take the passive-aggressive route and bitch about them behind their backs.

Finally, someone in Florida has the guts to stick it to the man–er, drug store.

It’s like “The Old Man and The Sea”, but the sea is actually his kid. And the old man’s full name is comprised of three regular names. This blog agrees that it’s important to keep porn away from young children, but we’re not sure that leaving them in the car while you shop at the adult book store is really going far enough.

Ladies, would you like to go looking from breast cancer victim to a healthy individual? Then get off the computer and start cleaning up this place!

While you’re at it, we’ll start up the “Rock Music Makes Your Testicles Fall Off” and other such hit educations films from the 1950’s.

Enough said?

Apparently not.

Please, talk to your children about growing up to become Saddam Hussein. They’re stupid.

This has been a SeriouslyGuys public service announcement.

Nobody likes daughters, just ask the Chinese.

Like house cats, they’re only pleasant when kittens: you can pick them up whenever you want, entertain them with string and win photo contests with their adorable pictures.

Once they get older, they hate you, claim everything in the house as theirs, bring home strange males and have babies.

Do you really want a son-in-law?

With a simple medical procedure, your little angel will remain small and easy to pick up, and she’ll go wherever you want.

“Ashley, who doctors expect to have a normal lifespan, has had a hysterectomy, surgery to prevent breast growth and high doses of oestrogen that will prevent her from reaching adult height” [empasis ours].

Thanks to the magic of hormones, you’ll never have to deal with hers.

A well-fed woman in South Africa was warned before she took a cave tour that she might find some tight squeezes. The woman insisted on going ahead. Then she got stuck in the cave, trapping 22 people in line behind her, including two asthmatic children. They had to use a pulley to get her out.

And she’s not American, take that, world!