When driving a stolen car, allowing your female passenger to stand out of the sunroof with her shirt off is not considered “keeping a low profile.”
AND
If you’re Swedish, in Thailand, and facing five years in prison for stealing condoms, saying “I was drunk and needed condoms” probably isn’t justification enough for a pardon.
How do you handle a potential sexual harassment law suit from one of your ice skating cheerleader employees? Simple, make her out to be a pill-popping, racist, sex-obsessed street-woman. Works every time.
Take one robot body with a head attached to it. Allow it to not scare the life out of children.
How not to serve man: take simply a disembodied robot head and have it scare the living crap out of humanity in the name of science. Because, after all, Einstein would be proud of science scaring little children.
Next up: robotic AIDS victims. Watch out for those ones too, kids.
According to The New York Times, 51% of ladies are living without husbands.
Ladies, The Guys feel your pain. You don’t have to live alone.
To help offset this defecit, we’re offering up one of our own: Chris “Chugs” Taylor.
Chugs Taylor is our resident movie buff. He will watch movies with you.
He enjoys Outkast, Modest Mouse, and The Godfather.
Did we mention he’s a college graduate? And he can get you all that insurance you need.
So ladies, you don’t have to live alone. Chugs will let you give him all that loving and free food you’ve been saving up for a husband. Email Chugs and thank your local SeriouslyGuys today!
Think your life sucks? At least you’re not too fat to have sex like Chuang Chuang. Pandas are without a doubt one of the most neutral in the War on Animals. They rarely breed in captivity and their young die easily.
But if they can be too fat to mate, their lifestyles are far to decadent. This blog is calling for the War on Animals to extend to pandas–regardless of how cute they might be. Let’s teach them some humility.
