Sure, setting a squat thrust record isn’t that huge of a story. Heck, Pat Robertson can do massive leg presses. So when Ashrita Furman decided to go for the record, he decided he needed that extra something to make his story sexy.
He decided to do the squat thrusts on top of an elephant, which is probably illegal in 49 states.
Key quote: “‘I’ve had this dream of doing a record on the back of an elephant for many, many years,’ Ashrita Furman said on Thursday.”
If a person keeps their ear to the floor, they can eventually hear what all of America is thinking, including the “I probably shouldn’t(s)” that are thought as well. Of course, if the ear is kept to a railroad track, a person can also hear a train coming. Some better than others.
-Antonella Barba: “Maybe I shouldn’t have made those racy photos seeing as how my dream is to have my face plastered all over billboards and cd covers, and not websites.”
-Antarctic scientists: “Aw crap. We found more creatures. We’re all dead.”
Hey, it pays to be optimistic.
Sex workers in India would like to be known as “entertainment workers.” That’s fine and dandy, but only if SeriouslyGuys can call ourselves “good bloggers” as well. Or “dinosaur authors.” Oh, I really like the sound of that last one.
Has anyone else noticed the latest Guinness commercials on television lately? They end with something like “Please enjoy Guinness Draught responsibly during the St. Patrick’s holiday season.”
There is a season for St. Patrick’s Day? Far be it from me to be against any holiday that celebrates all-day drinking (everyday is St. Patrick’s Day for me), but does it really need its own season? This is a growing trend for holidays. They think they can just take over our year.
Remember when the Christmas season started in December? Now it starts the day after Halloween. We need to show these holidays that they are assigned on day per year for a reason. They are getting cocky and keep trying to push us around.
Reminder: Thursday is the first day of the April Fools season, so be ready.
And now, a very special MasterChugs Theater.
I’ve always wanted to say that.
2006 was a good year for movies. It wasn’t great, much less horrifyingly controversial, but it wasn’t horrible either. We saw Pan’s Labyrinth (well, technically, some did), Little Miss Sunshine, Babel, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and An Inconvenient Truth hit theaters, wowing us with visual effects, thought provoking concepts and stimulating us with dynamic writing. We also saw Cars, The Devil Wears Prada, XIII, Blood Diamond and Norbit … and for those of you that actually saw that last one, shame on you. You know better than to support Eddie Murphy’s transvestite hooker acting problem. With all that said, it’s time to take a glance at a few of this year’s nominees. Let the opinionating begin!
And when you’re awful … you’ll know it.
Ladies, just because your boyfriend is bad in bed that’s no reason to stab him. Alternative decision: starring in your own late-night Cinemax series instead? Or lowering your standards. That helps out too.
Dutch law enforcement is testing out a new tool right now, and it sounds pretty cool. It’s basically the human equivalent of a car boot, except it’s on the knee.
A knee brace can send an electrical impulse that will cause the leg muscles to cramp up, preventing an escapee from getting away. As a side note, this blog is willing to accept donations and test them on volunteers.
Louie “Concrete Balls” D’Angelo, who maintains he is not part of the mafia, could not be reached for comment.
In every war, there are turncoats. Sad to say, even the War on Animals has its traitors. You know them better as People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). Their human-hating name says it all.
PETA, who as far as this blog is concerned is a terrorist group operating within U.S. borders, has launched their latest propaganda campiagn at fishinghurts.com. According to the name, fishing, much like love, hurts. But PETA’s argument is flawed. They build their case on the assumption people would not impale dogs. This blog says, in the War on Animals, BRING IT ON!
Key quote: “When it comes to feelings, a child is a dog is a fish.”
This blog doesn’t know if they are suggesting we provide public education for puppies and guppies, but it’s one hook we won’t bite.
Remember how Canadian cellular company, Telus Corp., was planning on making a fortune off of “mobile porn?” It would appear that now they’re thinking not so much. A decision made entirely on their own and via no input from protesters whatsoever. Looks like Canadian lechers are stuck downloading it the old fashioned way-in their homes or at work.
