First off, let me preface this review with a wish: happy birthday Alicia!
OK, with that said, hold on tight everyone–we’ve now reached the nadir of cinema. Yes, this movie would assuredly be labeled by myself as The Worst Movie of All Time. Granted, to those that know me, this probably isn’t too much of a surprise, though at least now I have a soapbox upon which to rant. Cower in fear as the the fifth horsemen of the apocalypse, Timeline, comes to destroy your eyes.
This just in–apparently everything you see done on the Internet may not in fact be safe for you the viewer to do at home. Who knew?
Fifteen-year-old Jaren Richard certainly didn’t, when he and some friends tried a stunt for which the got directions for it recently. They mixed chlorine with alcohol in a bottle. The story’s not really clear on what happened, but it sounds like it blew up, blinding the kid for six months.
Since the story doesn’t say exactly what the story is, this blog is going to try it and then report on our findings.
Baby, baby!
Some of us rather enjoy the Isley Brothers. Like me. And criminals.
An Australian man came home to find out that not only had he been robbed, the burglars had sex in his bed. If only they’d remembered to steal the sheets, it would have been the perfect crime.
A boy in the Faroe Islands (which are just north of Scotland, duh), found a watch that had been buried at the North Pole. The watch floated to him in a box.
It was buried by an explorer in 2004. It was one of 250 watches the explorer designed to withstand arctic conditions. Probably useful for a kid who lives a short flight away from the arctic.
Nobody tell Al Gore about this, agreed?
Here’s another reason to smoke: you can take more sick days. A new study shows smokers average eight more sick days per year than non-smokers. Which means in addition to having an excuse to have five-minute breaks 20 times a day during your shift, you can skip the whole day in general every now and then.
The scientists to who did the study added they usually have raspy voices, yellow teeth, a strong odor and are just cooler in general than other people.
Scientists, those traitors to humanity, say that an asteroid wasn’t what killed the dinosaurs and gave birth and dominance to mammals.
BALDERDASH!
Clearly, a gigantic asteroid is the solution to our problems. And by problems, I mean the menace of the animal kingdom.
Quick, someone go wrangle an asteroid so that the human race can live but all of the animals that are plotting against us will die!
Ok, so, normally, I could care less about marital issues, but…some are just too good to pass up. Recently, a woman involved in a lawsuit claims she broke up with her ex because her new lover could bring her to orgasm … with his mind.
Yeah, that’s a pretty tough act to follow.
Bao Xishun, the world’s tallest man, has married. You may remember Bao as a traitor to humans everywhere when he removed plastic from the stomachs of two Chinese dolphins.
Bao, who stands at seven foot, nine inches, married a woman who is (surprise!) shorter than him. She is only five feet six inches. The lucky bride was selected from his hometown after marriage ads were sent worldwide.
Great news, everyone! Some sheep had to be euthanized after their time in one man’s death camp. It’s about time we stopped coddling sheep.
A North Carolina man was arrested and charged with animal cruelty after it was found he was keeping 80 sheep in his home. The sheep stayed on the first floor while he stayed on the second floor. Police have no explanation for why he kept the sheep.
This blog has its theories. Talk about sleeping with the enemy.
Panda Watch 2007 v.2: When all else fails … zookeepers turn to panda porn. Again.
