Remember, “nude beach” does not mean “go behind the willow trees and have sex beach.”
That’s what highway rest stops are for. Also, I would totally kill to see pictures of a beach that’s labeled “Have Sex Beach.” Just because.
Month: March 2007
Aliens are real
And they’re after our Honeycombs cereal (part of a balanced breakfast).
And they’re not small … no no no no no.
If you give a mouse some dentures
Animals hate us, regardless of their size. But sometimes it doesn’t mean they don’t want to play some head games with us. Take for example the tale of a Portland, Oregon man and a mouse in his home.
For weeks, a field mouse had been stealing objects around the old man’s house. He seemed to be OK with it until it took his dentures. Eventually he and his family found the teeth inside a wall. The prankster mouse ended up being two mice.
They are now behind bars and up for sale. Right where they belong.
Stay away from Brazilian food
What do you do after you kill your husband after years of happy marriage? If you’re in Brazil, you chop him up into over 100 pieces, cook him and fry him, of course. Then you hide the pieces under the stairs.
Guys, this is a clear message to all of us: do not get married, for women will then regard us as food. And being served with barbecue sauce is no way to go out.
Still hungry?
Best Headline of the Day At This Point
Have one more slice of pizza
Goodbye unwanted readers! It’s good for you?
It am part of genius Bizarro self improvement plan! Elsewhere in Bizarro World, skim milk is bad for you, smoking can help prolong your life, and Carrot Top just won an award for Best Actor of All Time. That right! Ha ha! Pretty imperfect, huh?
Love both in and on the air
A British radio station is giving away a chance to legally join the Mile High Club. Other radio stations should learn from this, because, after all, you can only give away so many pairs of Madonna tickets before people tune out, you know.
In other news, Opie and Anthony are still in trouble with United States government regulatory bodies over having people have sex in churches.
Memories, all alone in the smoke clouds
The last remaining building of the old Mustang Ranch–Nevada’s first legal brothel–was burned to the ground (on purpose, by firefighters). Just so it’s known though, any other burning sensations you feel are your own problem.
Key quote: “The day of the $20 roll in the hay in a trailer is gone.”
It’s true. It’s now $50 for a roll in the hay and $75 for a romp in the alfalfa silo.
Loves the croc
Think there are no traitors to the cause in the War on Animals? Think again. A woman at the Egypt-Gaza border was stopped by police when they noticed she was “strangely fat.” In that part of the world, anyone who is overweight is immediately suspect.
It turns out she was smuggling crocodiles on her person. This blog giggles at the term “croc smuggling.”
Teenage Vampires from Calgary
What? A family was killed with vampirism? But that’s not in a video game.
It’s time we banned the real culprit behind violence: books. I know, I know; it’s an old idea. However, I say Anne Rice has done enough damage already.
Quote in possible bad taste: “For the slain family’s grieving relatives, who say they are being kept in the dark, the start of court proceedings is a relief” [emphasis ours].