Day: April 23, 2007

All your couch are belong to us

Remember the couch that came in a shade of N-word brown? They have finally found the source of that insulting color: a bad Chinese-English dictionary.

Key quote: “‘We got the definition from a Chinese-English dictionary. We’ve been using the dictionary for 10 years. Maybe the dictionary was updated, but we probably didn’t follow suit,’ he said.”

Everyone knows that 1997 was an exceedingly racist year for dictionaries, so this should come as a shock to no one. We can take heart in one thing, the Chinese want us to understand them.

Sheryl Crow’s poopy mouth

When she’s not playing with Lance’s good ball, or pretending to like Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow is an inventor.

And what does she invent? Lies (damnable lies!) about toilet paper.

“I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”

On what universe does a solid wiping consist of one square? Obviously, Crow’s opinion is based on a belief that her own poop does not stink.

The McBournie Minute: Social Security Numbers

Every where you turn these days, private information is being leaked. Bank servers get hacked, government laptops are stolen, that guy in Africa needs some information so he can send you $50,000 and so on.

The Washington Post reported Saturday that the U.S. Census Bureau has for ten years, posted the Social Security numbers of 63,000 people on a public web site. Oops.

Folks, perhaps it’s time we all stop pretending we are superheroes and keep our secret identities so closely guarded. We all have these numbers and most of us have no idea what they are really for. Because we all have them, what does it really matter if everyone knows our numbers?

It is time to accept the fact that our numbers will be hacked and released to the public one day. Stop fighting it, we are all going to be found out one day. Those who are with me on this one, please leave your full names and Social Security numbers in the comment section below.