Day: April 25, 2007

OMG, like, I’m just so happy and stuff and junk, you know, because, like, now I can actually go and do photos and junk and, like, it’ll be totally totally awesome and stuff! I mean, before, I was all “WTF U GYS!” but they fixed it for me! Yay and then my Myspace page will be awesome like love and hate and stuff! LOLZ ROFL!

In other related news, arguments and drama that are internet related or based still make both parties look like morons.

Tired of all the mouth breathers here on Earth? Don’t like it when people talk to you? Member of a failed eco-terrorism group? Want to move across the galaxy? You’re now in luck!

The one caveat: SG is totally not helping you with your U-Haul fees. What, you think we’re made of money?

Pop quiz: what’s the worst thing about Wal-Mart?

They’re destroying mom and pop businesses?

Oo, good answer, but no. Your mom and pop’s candleshop will die once they do the same and you take it over.

They underpay their employees?

Hey, Wal-Mart employees got it made. We’re pretty sure they get to keep those Shrek buttons after it goes on DVD (collector’s item!).

The other people at the store?

Close! We would have accepted that answer yesterday, but now there’s something even worse: the other SICK people at the store.

Once described as America’s premier beauty pagent, Miss America winners must now find … supplemental work. While Laura Nelson may think her new role is scary and cool, it proves:

1) If sexual predators cannot recognize Miss America, then there really is no point to the contest.

2) If police are willing to use you as bait for rapists, then there really is no point to you.

Evidently, Wangs dominate the Chinese landscape. This should not come as a shock to those who are familiar with their priority of male babies over female in that country. This could be a new tourism slogan: China, a great place for Wang.

If you read that story and didn’t snicker a little bit, you may want to check for a pulse.