Cobwebs in the ears

Get ready to have some nightmares. An Oregon boy recently had some problems with his ear. He kept hearing a popping sound he compared to Rice Krispies

After going to an ear specialist, they found out what had been giving the fourth-grader so much trouble: his ear drum was home to not one but two spiders. This is further proof of why we need to fight these and all other animals. They will make their homes inside the heads of our children, like one of those things in one of those Star Trek movies.

Stock up on Raid, America.

Booty camp

The pirate way of life is being threatened, as it has been for hundreds of years. The latest incident involved not a battle at sea but on land. And it ended up with citations from the local law enforcement.

Moral of the story, kids: if you plan to go camping on an island with a pirate-style approach (which this blog thinks is an excellent idea) always make sure you have a lookout posted and the cannons always loaded. Ye ne’er know when the police will come for you.

(Courtesy of Chris B.)

You spin me round like a record, baby

Real astronomers don’t use high powered telescopes and quantum variable physics to determine the truth behind what planets are made of, both inside and out. Real astronomers spin eggs.

Also, our good friends in New Zealand somewhere smart and important have come up with a technical illustration diagraming the issue in their own article. Suffice to say, Mercury is akin to a Cadbury Creme Egg. The original big kind. Planetlicious.

The McBournie Minute: Cinco de Mayo

On Saturday, millions of Americans celebrated a traditional holiday with a time-honored tradition. The spirit of togetherness was everywhere. That most American of holidays was Cinco de Mayo, or as they say in Mexico, “Five of May.”

No one in this country has any idea what the day is in celebration of, but there is a pretty solid theory that it is the Mexican Fourth of July. We figure this because they are the only two holidays we refer to by their dates. It’s also a reason to drink tequila and Mexican beer.

One has to wonder, is the Fourth of July as popular in Mexico? Do Mexicans look forward to the day, make party plans and drink whiskey with a Sam Adams chaser?

This country is huge on other countries’ holidays, mostly if they can be celebrated with alcohol. For example, St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in Ireland pale in comparison to those of Boston and New York City. Every October, Americans put on some bratwurst and grab their mugs to celebrate Oktoberfest.

So if any Asian or African cultures have some holidays they think we might be interested in, they should let us know. America will gladly celebrate with you.