Just like peanut butter and jelly, Abbot and Costello, and white on rice, conflicts between superheroes and the government have always been major issues. Now, in an instance of life imitating art, the U.S. Mint would like to stick the Silver Surfer’s surfboard where even the stars won’t shine. Granted, the coins are pretty cool, but I guess in an attempt to hype up the movie, small and inconsequential actions like finding out if defacing federal tender is against the law were overlooked.
Day: May 31, 2007
United as one, they all stand!
Well … maybe they might not want to stand immediately. Philanthropic geeks set up proxy servers to share their web connections (no, that’s not meant as a witty euphemism for something else) with people in countries where the internet is censored. Funny thing is, apparently, there’s a problem with that and SG’ll give you one guess what it is.
And it’s not talking gorillas, though that is a problem, mind you.
Take it from Snee: Apes still don’t talk
Once again, scientists are trying to prove apes can talk … by not actually teaching them to talk.
Sure, it’s great that Cornelius can recognize the symbols that give him treats, but that isn’t language. And just because this particular scientist talks to them “like he would speak to one of his children, or a longtime friend” does not mean they are conversing–it means he is on par with every cat lady in the world.
Of course Bonzo understands you, doc. It’s like he really listens and doesn’t just wait for you to stop talking so he can say whatever is on his mind. But that’s only because he can’t say what’s on his mind, which is probably just as well (“I want to masturbate again!”).
If language were merely correct vocabulary, we still could not communicate ideas to each other. Koko may have a tummy ache, but she can’t ask you if that diaper makes her look fat. Get the difference, yet?
Even this writer’s “interview with an ape” reads like someone explaining how Terry Schiavo was a functional human being, equating blinks as real communication. It started with the usual vocab test, then the reporter was stunned that the ape pressed the “surprise!” button when she was ready for food. This wasn’t language: it was the ape’s button for a hand-out. Get a job, Kanzi!
And perhaps that is why we strive to teach animals how to talk, in hope that someone will finally listen to us without argument. Take it from me: it’s like teaching a pig how to dance. It tires out the farmer and pisses off the pig.
The suspects have escaped
It is this blog’s sad duty (teehee, we said “duty”) the lost whales that took a trip to Sacramento have escaped capture, trial and likely a likely death sentence. Thanks to weeks of traitors giving aid and comfort to the enemy, scientists are saying the whales most likely have made it back to the ocean.
However, they cannot really confirm if they made it, because they lost track of them during the night. This blog remains hopeful it means they were spirited away by a clandestine operation for “questioning.”
The show must go on
Think reality shows have done just about everything possible? Think they’ve run out of ideas and just doing the same thing again and again? How wrong you are, you cynical person, you.
It’s time for a reality-type game show that really has a life-or-death feel to it. A new Dutch show will air where a terminally ill woman will agree to donate her organs to one of three, count ’em, three contestants with kidney problems.
The show’s title: “Who Wants to Live?”