The temperature is up.
Cars are stopping.
Manatees are in heat.
It’s mating season … and it’s another one of nature’s tools being used against we humans in the War on Animals. How dare they try to impede the flow of traffic!
Day: June 28, 2007
It’s new the holiday sensation
We all like holidays. They give us time off and a chance to recuperate. Sometimes we even get stuff during them, even if the presents are lame (seriously, argyle socks?). There are even a fair amount of people out there like to celebrate a fictitious holiday called “Christmas in July.”
Screw that noise.
In honor of a recent archaeological discovery, I’m declaring this month to be “Easter at the end of June.” Why? Five words and a number: 3,000-year-old rotten easter eggs.
Kill an eagle for liberty
Ladies and gentlemen: we have failed.
However, it’s not too late. Eagles are most vulnerable to attack when young, preferably at the incubation phase with chemical weapons.
Eagles are trained from the earliest age to hate humans, eat all of our fish and wipe an entire race off of the earth. We can ill afford to appease these creatures any longer.
Tracking down the monster
Once again, we humans have to take the battle to the animals, before they follow us back here. No better example of this can be found than a planned expedition to find Bigfoot in Michigan.
The expedition says they are just going out to “find evidence” of Bigfoot’s existence, but we all know what that really means: IT’S HUNTING TIME! This blog applauds the expedition, those brave enough to track and take on the unknown are among the bravest in the long war in which we find ourselves engaged.
Time to sign the muster and join up, everyone!
Put down the holy water and back away slowly
A priest was arrested by Portuguese police–caught in the act with his hands on a child. But it wasn’t for the offense you’re thinking of, you pervert.
In Lisbon, a 34-year-old man was on arrested suspicion of impersonating a priest. They take their baptisms very seriously over there. So much so that people actually feel the urge to impersonate priests.
Key quote: “‘When the man said “in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit” police came in and grabbed him,’ a member of the church was quoted by local daily Jornal de Noticias as saying.”