Gerard “Crybaby” Way, of My Chemical Romance, is writing a comic book series about “seven super-human kids” who “need to ‘learn to get past their spectacularly dysfunctional childhoods’ to save the world.”
This blog can sum up that, and any subsequent, series in one word:
EEEEEEE-MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
On a related note: Dark Horse is making a non-Star Wars comic book?
Shotgun: $225
One cartridge: 50 cents
Book on how to shoot a shotgun with your big toe: $19.95 ($22 Canadian)
Stain-resistant stationary: $5.65 plus shipping and handling.
Leaving a suicide note behind that decries the commercialism of rock music, only to have your songs featured in an EA video game 13 years later: PRICELESS.
Yesterday, SG reported that Paris Hilton wasn’t quite going to be as rich as she thought she might end up being. TMZ, the website that actually gets interviewed on CNN, says that she’s still going to become little Miss Richpants eventually.
NONETHELESS, let the Paris-boycott begin! When at the grocery store, don’t buy french bread, buy anti-Paris bread! When at the fast food establishment, don’t eat french fries, eat anti-Paris fries! And when making breakfast tomorrow, don’t make french toast, make anti-Paris toast! One mind!
Good morning, humans, and a good morning it is, for this blog bears news of yet another victory in our War on Animals.
The fifth-columnists who have attempted to co-opt our war, who would criticize our vigilence, who would make annoying whimper sounds any time we eat steak, have effectively removed themselves from the gene pool.
Yes, vegans–or vegansexuals, who practice a morally reprehensible lifestyle that may or may not be an affront to God–have sworn off sex with meat-eaters. Much like the Shakers religious movement, we can just playing the waiting game until they die off.
As long as we remain alert (and did I mention vigilent?), our extra-species enemies will reach the same inevitable conclusion.
Sometimes, you just can’t win them all, right Paris? Apparently having no talent and being a blight upon society is a poor career choice. Who would’ve guessed it?
Remember, that which does not kill you can only make you stronger. And also hopefully kill a whole bunch of annoying mosquitoes. Because you know, really, a slight possibility of being in the small percentage of those who may die is totally worth killing a bunch of bugs that may make you itch. Do it for your country.
33 years ago, people wanted to be only Gene Simmons, not Paul Stanley.
Though the reasons might be different currently, even today, people still only want to be Gene Simmons. Even the 45 years old with white face paint and a painted on star from A.C. Moore over their right eye.
What’s the difference between a regular dog and a rental dog? You pay a rental dog to leave.
There’s not a single thing I can say about Hard Boiled that hasn’t already been said. I’m going to try though. Have faith in me, preferably in the form of a dove.
……….
You know what? I can’t. It’s almost impossible to review Hard Boiled and at the same time avoid the bottomless anus-bowl of clichés that surround it. I’m sure it’s been described as “a high octane thrill ride,” and even on most of its boxes it says Hard Boiled is “an action fan’s dream.” This is a good thing, despite what it may seem how I said what I just said. Everything I said is all true, but plain and simple, it’s just a damn awesome movie. I am at a loss for bad things to say about it.
Beachgoers in California need to be especially careful over the next few days. It seems groups of 7-foot long squid are lurking just off shore to no doubt feed on the local human population.
Let’s all keep in mind that the War on Animals never takes a vacation. No matter how relaxed you may get this summer, never let down your guard, because you can be assure the enemy has not let down theirs.
