Day: July 10, 2007

Kidz Korner: War is fun!

The Army has a big new problem: nobody wants to join. They think people are afraid to sign up because of the war in Iraq. Well, that’s no fun!

The whole point of joining the Army is to go to war. Who wants to join the military only to wear camouflage at Wal-mart? Young men and women are supposed to enlist because they want to go to exciting places and blow them up!

Think about what you want to be when you grow up. Would you want to be a firefighter that only washes the trucks? How about an actor that only waits tables and auditions for roles? Or even an Michael Collins, who had to mind the ship while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin moon-bounced? Of course you wouldn’t!

It’s up to you, kids! Sign up at your local recruitment center and demand service in the giant sandbox before we’re stuck in another one of those lame-o peacetime ruts. Otherwise, you’re just playing Dress-Up … and that’s a girls’ game.

That’s my name, too

What would you do if a woman you knew from high school became a porn star? If you went to my high school, you probably wouldn’t be too shocked by that. However, what if you’re a woman and a woman you knew from high school used your name as her alias?

One woman in Houston decided to sue.

Key quote: “‘Really on a weekly, if not daily basis, my client has had to deal with odd phone calls, former classmates that didn’t know her that well sending her e-mails about whether she’s now in the adult film industry and just a general lack of safety for her,’ attorney Caj D. Boatwright said.”

Good luck fielding those “odd phone calls.”

Irony’s definition times at least 13

Electronic Arts, the company that has given you the same versions of its sports games (Madden, NBA Live, MLB, NHL, and FIFA) year after year after year, only resold with a new player on the cover, feels that the current game industry of today “is boring.”

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to … THE IRONY ZONE!

‘The Shrub’ turns to a life of crime

Here’s a helpful tip for all you would-be bank robbers out there: dressing like a tree may not really be as good of an idea as you really think. Plus, it might chafe a little.

A man in New Hampshire tried just that approach when he robbed a bank recently. He taped branches to himself and made off with an undisclosed amount of cash. The only way police found the guy was when his neighbor recognized him in the security video. How bad is it when you can wear branches on your body and still be recognized?

Key Lame attempt at humor quote: “‘He really went out on a limb,’ police Sgt. Ernie Goodno said Sunday.”