The gift that keeps on pooping
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Every country comprised of humans can be considered an ally in the War on Animals. Certainly our ally in China has had a checked past. First they effectively kill off river dolphins, then they send the world’s tallest man to help a stuck porpoise.
Now they are dancing the line once again, brave warriors. The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base is selling various souvenir products made from panda poop. You read that correctly, not only are the Chinese intentionally trying to save a species we have worked so hard to keep eliminate, but they are trying to profit from these monsters.
This blog is forced to assume that they are breeding the giant pandas to enslave them and use the profits from their dung to provide us all panda slaves one day.
Written by Bryan McBournieSee me driving?
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
In other global blind person news, there are some of them out there that feel it’s their privilege to drive.
No. No no no. NO. Not even with a seeing-eye teenager should you attempt this, blind people. Remember people, if there’s a chance that you drive worse than an old person, or even just as badly as one, you shouldn’t be behind a wheel of a car.
Key quote: “At first they thought he was just drunk, but the man kept missing the tube for the breath test, then they realized he was blind.”
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWhen I cry, you cry, we cry together
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Apparently, you’re not the only one that didn’t like Super Mario Bros. The Movie. Bob Hoskins feels acting in the movie was just as painful as watching it. Personally, I can go with that. After all, it was probably the first time I can actively remember being let down by a movie. No Dennis Hopper, no!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorHow can you tell if a blind used your computer?
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |
Stevie Wonder, who is still waiting for Ferris Bueller to die, is going on tour again. He expects to see you when he comes to your town.
Written by Rick SneeTo abort or not to abort
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under Scurry '08 | Leave a Comment |
Mitt Romney is having trouble deciding whether he is for or against killing babies:
I was prochoice. I am prolife. I never said I was prochoice, but my position was effectively prochoice. I’ve changed my position,” [Romney] said.
Let’s help him figure this out. Copy the following text to paste here:
Governor Romney:
You seemed to have trouble yesterday figuring out whether you are pro-life or pro-choice. As a service to your campaign, religious faith, and personal decision-making abilities, I will now state the obvious so you can shut the hell up and pick one.
When you are running for governor of Massachussetts, you are pro-choice because New England witches loves them some fried baby.
When you are running for President of the United States, you are pro-life, because nothing is more American than orphans working their way up from rags to riches.
And when you are done being an a–hole, you’re a politician, so quit pretending it was a mistake.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
A SeriouslyGuys Reader
The McBournie Minute: Speedos
Posted on August 6, 2007
Filed Under McBournie Minute | Leave a Comment |
Welcome back. I know you didn’t actually go anywhere, but I did, so it felt like you went away. I missed you so.
I spent all of last week enjoying the beach and the sun in Ogunquit, Maine. As many of you may know, Maine is a state that borders Canada, which I suspect is a foreign country. This meant I was surrounded by not only American tourists like myself, but those of the Canadian variety.
Though they reside only a matter of miles from the United States, they clearly have different views on appropriate swimming attire. I am speaking, of course, about banana hammocks. Everyone I saw wearing one of these skimpy man-bikinis was either saying “eh” or speaking French.
I don’t care what one does behind closed doors, if you’re into wearing that, go right ahead, but bringing that out into a public forum for non-comedic purposes is unacceptable. Not only do guys like me hate seeing it, but I am fairly sure women don’t like it either. Perhaps it’s not the women or the heterosexual guys they are trying to impress.
At one point, I saw an Ogunquit police officer on the beach writing a Canadian a ticket. I hope it was for two counts of squash smuggling.
Written by Bryan McBournie