Day: September 13, 2007
Viva La Cheater!
Hunh-hunh-hunh.
A French website is offering custom made alibis (phone calls, stationary from non-existent companies, and fake wedding invitations) for adulterers who need a little help with their dangerous liaisons.
Please. As if a true Frenchman would ever need help with that. They’ll just use and lose the silly American women tourists as all movies show. Also, I’m not exactly up and up on the exchange rate, nor do or would I ever condone cheating on significant others (for lack of a better term), but I’ve gotta say, 19 euros is a bit of a steal, given the niche.
Best Headline of the Day At This Point
MWGS halts Affleck film
Missing White Girl Syndrome has reached a new low. Ben Affleck’s new movie about a fictional missing white girl, Gone Baby Gone, has been postponed indefinitely by its distributer, Buena Vista International, for “similarities to the Madeleine McCann case.”
Key quote: Gone Baby Gone was based on a 1998 novel by Dennis Lehane and was filmed last year, before Madeleine’s disappearance, the film companies said.
Apparently, there are no other missing children right now, and any fictional portrayal of one is, in fact, this particular missing white girl.
MWGS is a condition that causes the brain to only care when a white girl goes missing. It effectively shuts down peripheral vision, which causes all focus to center on the white girl in peril.
Other symptoms of MWGS include:
- Victimizing the parents if they are white and attractive.
- Handwringing.
- Unfounded speculation that the child will be found unharmed (because they’re little princesses that the dragons merely guard).
If you, a friend or a family member are suffering from MWGS, please visit your nearest low-income housing district to see some real pain.
Latest weight loss fad
Looking for a new way to lose weight? Are diets just not working for you? Are you too lazy to get out an exercise? Do you want a method of weight loss that wouldn’t require a single change in your life? It’s not a pill, it’s metric.
The kilogram prototype in Paris weighs less than it should. Scientists are not sure why it is losing weight. This means you could lose weight if you convert to metric, too! Of course, it also means countries that use the metric system (also known as every other country in the world) could be thrown into chaos. Take that, world!