Eat My Sports: Red Sox and Yankees

Hello, everybody and welcome to the latest SG weekly feature, Eat My Sports. The time has come to inject our little website with some balls! Or … sports that involve them.

This past weekend featured the greatest event in all of sports. No, I’m not talking about playing knife wars with Lindsay Lohan, or let’s see how I can get arrested this time with O.J. Simpson. Folks, we are talking about the quintessential moment in the sporting world: Red Sox and Yankees.

As an avid Red Sox fan, through the years I have been a bit biased towards this rivalry. After all, these are the brooding bloods that brought us Pedro Martinez taking down billion year old Don Zimmer and the greatest comeback in professional sports history. However, after looking at it from a few different angles, the fact of the matter is that nothing quite matches up to when these two teams square off. Cowboys, Redskins, Lakers and Red Wings fans argue all you want, but when these two play, it’s for blood. No other teams in the sporting world, or fan nation for that matter, can honestly hate and despise someone for simply donning the opposing team’s logo. In this world though, it means battle lines are drawn.

This weekend’s three game set at Fenway Park proved to be nothing different than what we have come to expect when Boston and New York collide. I mean did anyone see the way Boston’s Eric Hinske barreled into Jorge Posada on Saturday’s day game? Clearly thrown out, Hinske went after Posada and tried to take him out a la the way MTV went after Britney at the VMAs. Come on, seriously, Eric Hinske? This isn’t Manny, Varitek or Papi, this is Eric freaking Hinske, and even he wants to do some bruising. Hate runs deep in this game my friends, even down to little used players like Eric Hinske. Did I mention Eric Hinske? You got your 15 minutes buddy, now bring back Manny, someone has to use left field as a latrine.

One of the moments that solidified this as its own entity within the sporting realm was this moment for me. This past Saturday I was on my way to work out at the American Family I belong to. No, I don’t have a family, but I am American, so that entitles at least half of me to be there. When I went to the side of the gym I normally work out on, I noticed none of the televisions had my beloved Sox on. I politely asked one of the employees to change the channel. Given that no one was watching anything over there, and I’m sure no one cared to have Florida pulling away drastically from Tennessee on, they happily obliged. (And by happily obliged, I mean when I said, “Red Sox and Yankees,” the woman stopped what she was doing, put her arm around me and said, “darling, you don’t need to say anything else.”)

The Sox were starting to pull away. I mean when J.D. Drew and Coco Crisp are destroying your starting pitching like Rosie O’Donnell at a buffet, the game is pretty much done. But as I went about my normal routine of water aerobics and pilates (us here at SG only do the manliest of workouts), I noticed that steadily, people were coming over to watch the game. They definitely weren’t watching Notre Dame getting waxed 38-0 by Michigan. (Side note: ND, if your team hasn’t scored an offensive touchdown in three weeks, please cancel your television deal and forfeit the rest of your games, seriously. And to Michigan, when you’re using “Cinderella Man” as your team’s motivational film, no wonder Appalachian State handed it to you.) AF employees, people just going about their workout, a little bit of everyone came over to watch the Sox and Yanks. By the time everyone came over who that could, it totaled about twelve strong. Now, this may not seem like much, but on Saturdays gyms have the life of a K-Fed album release party, so this brought roughly half of the people there over. Kid you not, these people did not move for the entire hour I was there.

Now, I am positive that not all of these people were supporters of either team, but I’ve noticed that baseball fans, or just people in general take exception to when it is Red Sox and Yankees. They may even despise one or both of the franchises. But the fact remains that something pulls people to watch these games whenever they are on. Something special may happen, or A-Rod might get drilled with a 90 mph fastball from Curt “I swear I’m dieting” Schilling. And for those of us that are emotionally attached, forget whatever is going on, forget it all. Because for us, nothing, and I mean NOTHING else matters. Even when the stakes are high, or both teams are out of contention, the fact remains that Red Sox versus Yankees matters, no matter how much you love or hate it.

Got an issue with me or the sporting world? E-mail the Guys and give us some feedback on what you want covered.

Rambo he ain’t

Rudy Giuliani has broken the ultimate taboo of coolness: giving himself a nickname. He’s dubbed himself “liberals’ ‘worst nightmare.'”

Since he doesn’t elaborate at all as to how he’s a nightmare, much less of the worst variety, this blog can only surmise what he means. We figure his platform will shift to:

  • Installing those “you must be this tall” signs at all hospitals for admitance. (They’ll only be in English, of course.)
  • Invading five other countries in the Middle East … you know, for kicks.
  • Adding the ACLU to the terror group watchlist.
  • Extending the death penalty to flag-burners and those who “support the troops, but not the war.”
  • Dismantling alternative energy plants to make room for more oil refineries.
  • Declaring the Baptist faith as the official religion of the United States.

And if he doesn’t, then we’re revoking the nickname.

Religion in the courtroom?

Ever heard the saying “he has more money than God?” Nebraska state Senator Ernie Chambers may find out the definition. He has decided to sue God.

Key quote: “The lawsuit accuses God ‘of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent.’ It says God has caused ‘fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects and the like.'”

It’s about time someone has held someone accountable for those tragedies! And if God gets called to the stand, that would be quite a scene. Where have I seen that before?

The fugitive

Richard Kimball, the fugitive, always insisted to police trying to arrest him on television and on the big screen that a one-armed man had killed his wife. We now know that a person does not need a single arm to kill you.

Down in Atlanta, relatives of a dead man say his no-armed neighbor killed him. They say the two men had a fight, and the man who had all of his limbs died shortly afterward. Probably from the embarrassment of losing a fight to a guy with no arms.