A great writer once wrote that the problem with American lives is that they have no second act. Never is this more apparent than with the story of Jim Morrison, whose childhood was lost in a mist of denial and his maturity interrupted by an early death. If we can trust Oliver Stone’s film, The Doors, life for Jim Morrison was like being trapped for months at a time in the party from hell. He wanders out of the sun’s glare, a curly-haired Southern California beach boy with a cute pout and a notebook full of poetry. He picks up a beer, he smokes a joint, and then life goes on fast-forward as he gobbles up drugs and booze with both hands, while betraying his friends and making life miserable for anyone who loves him. By the age of twenty-seven he is dead.
Day: September 21, 2007
Happiness is a warm gun
Rudy Giuliani is going out of his way to prove he’s, as Chris Rock would say, a mammal that breathes air and drink water. He took a call from his wife mid-press conference, ending with, “Goodbye, sweetheart, I love you.”
To prove the validity of his presidential bid further, he also suggested “[MoveOn.org] should face some sort of sanction” for their “General Betray Us” ad. The reasoning?
“We are at war right now, whether some people want to recognize it or not.”
So his Constitutional record for the conference? 1-1: the Second Amendment got its due, but the First Amendment still awards too much leniency to “American political organizations.”
You’re doing it wrong
In other bat related stories (at least, sort of in name only), scientists have discovered that the male bat bug who skips over the female insect reproductive hoo-hoo zone equivalent and instead impregnates the female by punching a hole in her stomach. Scientists aren’t sure if it does that because it’s inexperienced or maybe they’re just nervous.
SeriouslyGuys has declared war on these terrors of society simply because … well … it’s f***ing weird what it does. Ewwww. Bugs need to stop watching movies like Alien and instead watch movies like the Raid commericals.
Religion in the courtroom update
We told you a Nebraska state senator filed a lawsuit against God for responsibility for natural disaster, pain, suffering and so on. When he filed it, Ernie Chambers was making a point about frivolous lawsuits that plague our nation’s courts.
However, it seems God has filed a response in the courts. Also, it seems God’s lawyers live in Corpus Christi, Texas. Looks like God doesn’t think he needs to go to court.
A bat-tastrophe
If one thing has become clear, it is that our country’s college campuses are not safe. There has been violence and danger at our institutions all over the news lately, including today. But we must remember, we are not the only ones reading the news, our enemy is, too.
A dormitory at Texas Southern University was attacked by bats recently, causing rabies scares and students driven batty (sorry). However, amongst all this bad news, there is the story of at least one hero who was not afraid to stand up and fight when greatness was thrust upon him.
Jason Smith, 19, said he killed “dozens” of bats. That means it he were an aviator, he would be an ace several times over. Smith, you are our Warrior of the Week.