MasterSnee (Home) Theater: ‘Reaper’

Chugs is out with the measles this week, so I’m filling in. I decided to approach from a different angle, though. I hate movie theaters; the crowds, the sticky floors, the Mormon “Foundation for a Better Life” commercials and the crappy movies have left my fiancé and I bunkered down in our living room like Adolf and Eva. The screen and sound always work, the food’s cheaper and tastes like actual periodic elements and television is actually improving.

Now that reality television has finally hit rock bottom (Flava Flav? Really?), the networks we’ve come to loathe are premiering quality scripted shows again. Well, except CBS, which still hasn’t recovered since Nash Bridges ended. Or ABC, which still believes TGIF was its greatest contribution to American society. Or NBC. Fox is still “eh”: no longer the maverick network of the 80s and 90s, they rely too heavily on their established cartoon staples, which haven’t been novel in at least three years.

No, network television has only two balls in its sack these days: FX and the CW. The Guys are huge fans of FX’s Rescue Me and are known for singing the Von Bondies sober or blacked-out. The other network, CW, launched Kevin Smith’s new television series on Tuesday, Reaper.

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Danger working every corner

Once again, a state one of the Guys lives in is hit with potentially dangerous news for the parts that make them guys in the first place: in Maryland, chlamydia rates are up all over the state.

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, I have not been doing a lot of traveling lately. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take the medication I just got. Make sure everyone follows the Rick Snee health tips.

Multiply and conquer

Someone’s dumping rabbits all over part of Long Island and no one seems to know who. For the first time, this blog is in agreement with animal rights activists: the persons responsible for this must be caught and stopped.

There is no reason to dump live rabbits out into the wild, if Long Island can be called such a place. There, they will only procreate and create new armies for us to fight. Instead, dead rabbits should be spread all over, sending a mafia-style message to those that live. We must strike fear into our enemy’s heart.

Libraries and the afterlife

If there’s one thing we all hate, it’s those jerks they call librarians. Sure, they let you read the books for “free,” but you have to fill out one of those little cards with personal information on it. Gee thanks, comrade.

Another example is the Harrison Public Library in Harrison, New York. Librarians there are charging the families of dead people for overdue library books. Apparently, these people signing out books, then they die and have the nerve not to return the books.

The librarians are not the only party to get mad at. We need to focus more on the undead: it’s time they stop running around aimlessly looking for brains and show some responsibility.