New from the world of chimps

Posted on October 2, 2007
Filed Under War on Animals | |

We’ve alway been wary of the Austrians since that whole Hitler thing, but now we have a more recent example to do so, his name is Matthew Hiasl Pan and he’s 26.

Pan is a chimp, but animal rights activists, better know as his minions, are trying to get him legally declared a person. That’s all we need, an animal mastermind whom we have to put on trial like a human, instead of a swift military tribunal ending with a short rope. Fortunately, an Austrian judge denied their appeal.

There was an attempted jail break at a British zoo that luckily ended in bloodshed. Chimps Jonnie and Coco made a break for it, but Jonnie was caught very quickly. Meanwhile, Coco took off and was on the lose in the zoo, so the zookeepers (prison guards) shot him.

I bet that was a fun field trip for the school children that day.

Written by Bryan McBournie