Take it from Snee: The flag’s still fabric

From my understanding, the American flag is something to really rally under. There are a number of theories to explain this:

1) Flags are bright and festive, and our flag is no exception. Since it flutters in the wind, too, its spectacle is comparable to television.

2) People died for it, proving that Capture the Flag is really an exercise in patriotism.

3) It’s taller than everyone else, so it’s more prominent than, say, Dabney Coleman. (Does that mean that people would rally under Dabney Coleman if he were as tall as an American flag? Undoubtably, yes.)

So, as the focal point for every gathering in this country, including Cub Scout pack meetings, super-saver sales at Wal-Mart and Klan rallies, the flag has become a sacred object. So sacred that some people in Reno took offense when “a business […] was flying a Mexican flag above an American flag.”

Warning: the article includes a picture of this act, so it might not be safe for work.

In case you aren’t outraged yet, NBC affiliate KRNV-4 was kind enough to also link to the U.S. flag code to prove flying another flag over the American flag “is illegal.”

There are a few problems with this assertation.

First, these laws are about as enforceable as sodomy laws. In fact, no flag desecration case has ever been upheld by the Supreme Court, thanks to the First Amendment. While the current outrage is a symptom of rabid zenophobia of Mexican illegal immigrants, other abuses continue to escape media attention, including those commited by country music stars wearing flag shirts and do-rags.


OMG! An illegally displayed flag on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Adminstration’s “Ocean Explorer” Web site. In other words, a violation of the United States flag code by the federal government!
Second, the amendments signed by Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1954 apply only to “all buildings, grounds, and naval vessels of the Federal Government in the State, Congressional District, Territory, or Commonwealth.” So any private citizen can fly any flag they choose over their property, much to the dismay of Homeowners’ Associations everywhere. And they don’t have to fly it half-mast everytime a congressperson goes to the great soapbox in the sky.

Third and finally, it’s a piece of fabric. Despite what video games tell us, exchanging flags does not make this business part of Mexico. It makes it the target of off-duty minutemen that haven’t kicked enough brown people around today.

In other words, this really isn’t a big deal. Thanks, NBC, for scaring us over nothing.

Attention citizens of London

Residents are saying “Blimey” after a giant spider has marched on the capital of the United Kingdom. Rumors are that the spider is 30 feet tall and has limbs made of bronze and stainless steel.

What can be done to defeat this monster? This blog says we go after the artist who made the sculpture, arrest and torture him until he confesses his sins. Then we hang his head atop the London Bridge to serve as warning for all those other artsy-fartsy types.

Frivilous Lawsuit of the Day

A woman from Queens, New York is suing Apple Inc. for dropping the prices on iPhones so soon after they were released. She claims they violated price discrimination laws and is seeking $1 million in damages.

That’s right, get those bastards! Since when is a companies allowed to change their prices on items for no apparent reason. It’s time we fought back against the corporations that control the market–wait.

I’m sorry, I’ve just been told Apple is actually the underdog in just about every market.