MasterChugs Theater: ‘Audition’

Posted on October 5, 2007
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It’s time for another theme month, ladies and gents. With it being October, I’ll be looking at horror, but this year, it’s not just any horror-no, we’re going down the skeevy and kinky fetish route and taking a look at Asian Horror. That said, I’m kicking it off with a reprint review of mine of one of the better forms of the subject, Takashi Miike’s “Audition.” If you haven’t sat down and watched this creepy tale yet, do so. You won’t be let down, I assure you.

We all love a good old-fashioned traditional romance tale, don’t we? You know the kind of thing I mean … boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy discovers girl’s shady secrets, girl turns into psychotic S & M torturer … sniff. It brings tears to your eyes, doesn’t it?

Well, the last half-hour of Audition will certainly bring tears to your eyes. My mom always said you should watch out for the quiet ones. Welcome to what is perhaps the least extreme of Takashi Miike’s films and the one that truly cemented his reputation outside Japan as being one of the most extreme directors in the world, Audition; a film with such a horrifying final half-hour that it holds the dubious honor of having had the most audience walk-outs of all time during its premiere.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Murder by enema

Posted on October 5, 2007
Filed Under Booze News | 1 Comment |

You know what? This doesn’t need spin or anything. Here’s what’s up: charges against a woman were dropped after her husband died in what is called a “sherry enema.”

The man apparently had throat problems that kept him from drinking, but his love of booze knew no bounds, apparently neither did his wife’s love for her husband. He would get the booze into him using a route never before used and probably illegal at a bar: the back door.

However, after “chugging” two bottles of sherry, which police thought had been administered by his wife, he died of alcohol poisoning. His BAC was 0.47. This blog wonders how they had him blow it.

Points for style, creativity and teamwork, but no points for the botched dismount.

Written by Bryan McBournie

‘Teletubbies responsible for all wars in world!’

Posted on October 5, 2007
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A first grade teacher was arrested at her school after showing up to work drunk. We can only wonder what her lesson plan was. Presumably incoherrant, but awesome:

Paradoxes/plot holes in the Berenstein Bears series.
Why nice guys never get girls because girls are in love with assholes.
Sharon, Lois and Bram are underappreciated by today’s music standards.
She loves you all, and she doesn’t say it nearly enough. No really, did anyone ever tell you how funny you are? She means, damn.

All in all, we have to say that this, technically, is better than sleeping with her students, but far less titilating news-wise.

Written by Rick Snee

Plants’ time is limited

Posted on October 5, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |

We all know we’re at war, and it’s very important we focus on our animal enemy before fighting anyone else. That way we can direct our forces onto one mission for the time being.

However, after we beat the animals, another potential battle looms: the War on Plants. Here’s so evidence: scientists say a primeval plant called the cycad is the whore of the plant world. They offer food for tiny insects so they get some sweet, sweet plant sex.

Yuck.

Written by Bryan McBournie