As this Time Magazine article describes, nostalgia has reached a new low. 80s metal bands are teasing their hairpieces to rock out in what Vince Neil of Motley Crue calls their “heyday.”
The article ends with an ominous threat by Stephen Pearcy, the owner of a decidedly non-rock name and lead singer of Ratt:
“When I’m 60 and some cool grandpa dude, I’ll be rocking.”
We hope you’re happy, VH-1. Try and get Ratt back in the box now.
The Guys are watching the Major League Baseball playoffs. As many of you know, Game 2 of the Indians-Yankees American League Division Series hit a bump when Jacobs Field was viciously attacked by a swarm of bugs.
There is no more obvious sign from our enemy that they wish to disrupt every normal aspect of our lives. They know that while they cannot attack all of us at once, they can strike fear into our hearts by one public attack. Luckily in this case, our brave boys battled on. Though rumor has it the insects left after Insect King and Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter commanded them to disperse.
Speaking of things Oral, a New Zealand man had back surgery, and woke up with more than just pain, he also seemed to be missing his false teeth. The surgeons had no idea where they were.
Then they found them in the back of the man’s throat. Here’s a question: if you’re having back surgery, aren’t you lying on your stomach? The forces of gravity should prevent teeth from traveling upward into your throat?
Sounds like an investigation for Dr. Snee.
As several of The Guys started in college media, we understand that most university newspapers look for spending scandals at their school. If only we could have gone to Oral Roberts University. Maybe we wouldn’t have scoured so many budget reports, which are apparently not available to the public at ORU (a public university).
Key Quote:
She is accused of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on clothes, awarding nonacademic scholarships to friends of her children and sending scores of text messages on university-issued cell phones to people described in the lawsuit as “underage males.”
Recently, I crashed at my friend Fernando’s house after a night of carousing. This is nothing new for me, or Fernando for that matter. However, it was the morning after that something unusual happened.
I know where your mind is going, and stop it right now.
Fernando did what few men will do unless threatened with disfigurement: cook. He fired up the range, cracked a couple eggs, sliced up some turkey breast and made me a kind of omelet. Why would a person in possession of both X and Y chromosomes do such a thing voluntarily? He said he likes to cook.
This came as a shock to me, as my forays in the kitchen normally consist of boiling pasta, reheating day-old pizza in the microwave or throwing some fish sticks in the oven. Cooking is no source of joy in my life. Worst of all, it leaves a mess.
I feel this is fairly common with men old and young. We would sooner open a bag of chips than make something tasty. Besides, Chinese food is just a call away and the game is on. There is but one exception for this: the barbecue.
It is entirely and universally manly to grill things, normally burgers, hot dogs and chicken–preferably with beer in hand while doing so. Across the world, there are men clustering at grills, standing around in dead silence, occasionally poking the meat to see if it’s done yet.
In my opinion, this is how men should cook. Because at the very least, there is the ever-present danger of burning one’s eyebrows off, which always makes for entertainment for onlookers.
