Day: October 15, 2007

A dollar for everyone in the country

The land of the Rising Sun a big, long wall has a new richest person. The Glorious People’s Worker’s Paradise of China’s richest person is a woman (normally outlawed there) and she’s 26 years old, with $16 billion to her name. Though she is married, we hear they’re all about free love over there, so The Guys are hopping the first flight to Beijing.

Of course, should the communist government decide instead to distribute her wealth evenly amongst the people, we will be staying right here, thank you.

I ain’t never goin’ back there, see?

Ah, the open road. Nothing like driving as fast as you want on a wide open country road. Few things that don’t result in a prescription can be so exhilarating.

That is unless of course you are a 10-year-old driving a stolen school bus. That makes it a little less fun. Tip for all you would-be prepubescent car thieves: don’t go for the big vehicles. Sure they’re loud, but they’re really slow and can easily tip over. That and they have a better chance of being standard–like you know what that means.

First words: ‘I do’

When you think about marriage in Arkansas, chances are you think of some rather questionable, loosely-written laws that allow for practices you can’t find anywhere else. You’re right.

A new Arkansas law allows babies to marry, as long as their parents consent. The reason for this? An errant “not” in the law’s text that was not noticed until after it was signed and went into effect.

So for those of you new parents out there who can’t wait for your child’s wedding day, get the dowry ready and head south.

The McBournie Minute: Television shows

The new fall seasons of network television are underway. It’s true, the big networks have rolled out their line-ups, promising to take us to new heights, leaving us to find out on our own that it’s just the same old crap.

I estimate 99.47 percent of prime time network programming this fall (not counting sports or news) falls into four groups:

Doc dramas. Yes, it’s a life and death situation every single day in the hospital, and somehow the doctors have time to not only form their own cliques, but to hold private conversations while removing a man from a pole that has run him through (I’m told this is extremely common at hospitals, particularly in countries where pole vaulting is popular). Do not resuscitate orders: ER, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and House. Scrubs gets a reprieve, because it’s not really a drama and it’s entertaining.

Police shows. We get it. There’s a lot of crime out there and the cops who fight it are kind of messed up, too. How many times do we have to find a dead body in Central Park before we can finally cancel one or all of the Law & Orders (Laws & Orders, perhaps)? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for escaping the senseless violence of the local news for some SCRIPTED senseless violence, but enough is enough. Up on the execution block: L&Os, CSIs, NCIS, K-ville, Bones, Numb3rs, Shark, Boston Legal, Cold Case, Criminal Minds and Grey’s Anatomy. Did I miss any? It’s so tough to keep all of them straight.

Situation comedies. Hey, I’ve got a great pilot script here. It’s about a fat man, his improbably hot wife, and how they interact with their in-laws and friends. No one’s ever done that before, right? There are too many to name, so I’ll go for the most dysfunctional: According to Jim, Cavemen, Two and a Half Men, How I Met Your Mother, ‘Til Death and of course, Grey’s Anatomy.

Superheroes. This is a relatively new category. There has always been a sci-fi show here or there like Lost or one of the many shows where women talk to dead people, but after last season’s dork dark horse winner Heroes, the networks took noticed and are cramming more superheroes down our superhero throats. Don’t believe me? Powers weakening: New Amsterdam, Bionic Woman, Journeyman, Pushing Daisies, Chuck and, wait for it, wait for it, Grey’s Anatomy.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person for liking any of these shows (except Grey’s Anatomy), but look at how much of the same they pile on year after year. And me without Showtime.