Day: October 22, 2007

Is teen sex the new cigarette?

The Guys have been mostly silent about female teachers having sex with their students, save for the occasional punchline. Really, there’s not much more to say about sexual abuse save that it’s illegal.

… Or is there?

The New York Times article quotes Richard Gartner, “a New York psychologist and author of ‘Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse'”:

    Recognition of the damage doesn’t usually occur until the man is in his 30s, 40s or later, he said. That damage varies widely, depending on the victim’s age, the abuse itself, the sexual orientation of the boy and of the abuser, Gartner said. Victims often report addictive behavior and compulsive disorders, from gambling to sex to substance abuse, he said [emphasis ours].

All respect to the victims and the good doctor, but aren’t those symptoms of any male who may or may not have sex at any age?

For those suffering from a lack of iron

Anyone else pissed about Robert Downey Jr. getting the role of Iron Man? Apparently this guy is. Luis Miguel Adana donned an iron mask and sewed his mouth shut in a form of protest to get the Columbian government to provide a loan to start his own business.

He speaks out of the corner of his mouth, and spends his days laying in bed bound by shackles and chains. Yes, protest for the money to support your family by laying in bed all tied up, well it did work for Jenna Jameson …. (the link is safe)

Key Quote: “Instead of paying two months of rent, Aldana says he bought shoes for his three children.” (That’s either cheap rent or Air Jordans made of gold.)

It could happen here

The week’s news in the War on Animals begins on a note nothing short of shocking. In a Wizard of Oz-style attack, the Deputy Mayor of New Delhi was killed after being attacked by a pack of wild monkeys. Seriously.

According to reports, a gang of Rhesus macaques attacked the man at his own home. They eventually pushed him out the window, killing him. Folks, this blog doesn’t need to tell you the danger we humans face against the animal threat, but this assassination represents a new level in violence in this terrible, terrible war.

Shocking quote: “Many government buildings, temples and residential neighborhoods in New Delhi are overrun by Rhesus macaques, which scare passers-by and occasionally bite or snatch food from unsuspecting visitors.”

We need to rescue the citizens of New Delhi from these monkey terrorists.

You scratch my back, I’ll drink your beer

A New Zealand brewery is offering a lifetime supply of beer to whoever manages to narc out the individual or cunning group of individuals that stole one of their laptops. Perhaps they should maybe look a little inwards for their suspects? I mean, let’s be honest here-when you work in a brewery, drinking on the job gets a whole new look to it. Get out there and start searching, super sleuthes!

Bill Maher, FTW

Good morning, SeriouslyGuys and Gals! We’ve learned something this weekend: Bill Maher will kick your patootie in the same sense that Jerry Springer kicks patooties, and that’s by telling security to do it. (Fair warning: the second link contains audio of NSFW language.)

So if you’re planning to protest a television show, here’s some criteria to consider first:

    1) Does anyone watch the show when it’s not on YouTube? No? Then find a more popular show for your full 15 minutes.

    2) Does the host berate his or her guests? If so, you’re next.

    3) Are you protesting in favor of a cause that makes you officially less credible than the tobacco industry’s assessment of cancer risks? If so, then you’ll probably get maced when off-camera, too. (I mean, really. At least Big Tobacco spreads lies for profit, stupidity aside.)

With this quick checklist, you, too, should fare better next time you want to interupt American television.

The McBournie Minute: Moving

Forgive me if I seem a little beat this morning, last night I was up watching Your American League Champions, the Boston Red Sox.

There comes a time in everyone’s lives when it’s time for a drastic change. In such a time, one calls on their friends, preferably the burly, male ones, for assistance. The true friends will answer the call and help however they can. The change I am speaking of, of course, is moving.

When one moves to a new place, they realize how much crap they really own. The next realization is that they do not have nearly enough boxes to hold all of the crap. Luckily, this does not affect the friends, who are there primarily to move the big stuff like furniture. This past weekend I was such a friend. Why? Because I am a good friend, and I was offered payment in the form of alcohol.

I also realized that I am probably the only person who gets nostalgic about moving. In the past it has taken me much longer than it should to pack things up because I get nostalgic about the place I am leaving. You could move me out of a prison cell, and I would be in there, slowly removing my effects from the shelf, thinking, “Oh, how I will miss my roommate, Bubba.”

Moving is more or less the conscription of your friends into service. I was charged with helping bring a new couch up to my friend’s new place, only to find out the elevator wasn’t big enough, and the stairwell barely was. We grappled with couch up the stairs, occasionally getting tossed against the walls and getting cuts and bruises all over. We got the couch up the stairs finally, but more importantly, I got free booze.