Worst governor ever

Posted on October 29, 2007
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |

Wisconsinites (Wisconsonians?) were a signature away from getting free shots at grocery stores, until Gov. Jim “Killjoy” Doyle vetoed the measure. Why free liquor in grocery stores? This blog asks, why not? Grocery shopping isn’t very entertaining sober, a nip here and there could only improve that.

The good news is that free beer is still allowed. Obviously, it’s a totally different animal.

What could make Wisconsin a better place is an veto override by the state legislature of Doyle’s veto. Folks, it’s time to call your local Wisconsin legislator, or one at random, and tell them how important it is to get crocked while grocery shopping.

This blog has already begun looking at houses in the state.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Halloweird costumes

Posted on October 29, 2007
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Want to scare the ever loving crap out of your primarily conservative Republican neighborhood? The polls say go as this.

Written by Bryan Schools

Mile high entrapment

Posted on October 29, 2007
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What kind of sick airline flies planes that have private suites with double beds in them, and then forbids passengers from having sex on board? Singapore Airlines, that’s who. If you don’t like it, you can get the cane!

Still, maybe it’s not that bad of a ban if you think about it. I mean, if the plane is a rocking, you’re probably in a lot of trouble.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Fifth columnists in California celebrate creeps

Posted on October 29, 2007
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |

For full effect, please put your 3-D glasses on. Also, you might want to put your coffee cup down.
No drive to war is complete without accusations of fifth columnists here in America, and the War on Animals is no exception.

Coarsegold, California (go figure), has embraced the foe that brought down beloved Captain Kirk. It is ugly, it is hairy and it is smaller than a breadbox: the tarantula.

The tarantula, which is Spanish for “get that f–king thing away from me, AIIEEE!” (yet another word that loses something in translation), is not a cuddly creature. On a scale from one to 10, one being not so deserving of a blow-torchin’ and 10 being incredibly deserving of a blow-torchin’, tarantulas score a 23.

By protecting these spiders, Coarsegold has sealed their fate, and the locals don’t even realize it:

One morning last week when she walked out to her red car, it was white — completely covered in tarantula webs.

“I believe that was my sign,” she says.

“I think it was their little thank-you to me.”

Not to say we didn’t warn you, but now we have. Either get tough with these invaders, or expect the worst.

Written by Rick Snee

The McBournie Minute: Forest fires

Posted on October 29, 2007
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Before we begin, I would like to note that the McBournie Minute officially turns a year old today. Here’s to another one. Now enough of the self back-patting. One last thing, congratulations to Your 2007 World Series Champs the Boston Red Sox. Moving on.

By now, we’ve all heard about the forest fires currently ravaging parts of Los Angeles and San Diego. From how it looks at this point, it was the work of an arsonist. Let’s all hope they find the person or people responsible. Thousands had to be evacuated, untold amounts of damage to property and probably some people got killed.

They should have seen it coming.

Do you remember middle school science at all? Remember learning about places that are inherently dangerous? Guess what, it doesn’t just apply to textbooks. Growing up, I heard constantly how dangerous the California hills were for two main dangers: debris slides and fires, the former being the more common one. This sent a clear signal to me, even as a kid: don’t build a house there.

The same principle applies to other areas of the world, for example, flood plains and barrier islands. Sure, it’s really nice to have waterfront property. You can’t beat the views, and there is almost never any danger, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe to live there. Flood plains are pretty self explanatory. Barrier islands act as barriers for the coast. They block the strong storm surges caused by storms and hurricanes. Oh yeah, and they are constantly being eroded and moved.

This, however, does not stop development in such areas. Mankind keeps expanding into more remote areas because of the beauty, ignoring the risks. Soon, we forget there is any danger at all, and when something like this happens, we all stand back in shock.

Folks, here’s a little advice: don’t build a home in a naturally dangerous area, and if you do, get some good insurance.

Written by Bryan McBournie

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Eye’

Posted on October 26, 2007
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Ever since Simone Mareuil had a nasty experience with a razor blade in the surrealist classic Un Chien Andalou, horror movies have always had a special relationship with eyes. Sliced, poked, gouged and occasionally popped out of its socket, the eyeball has become the most vulnerable, and most traumatized, organ in film history. The second film from the Pang brothers cultivates horror by taking eyeball horror to new heights, with a story about a cornea transplant that goes horribly wrong. The Eye recalls the hours of terror of a blind young woman, Mun, who, after recovering her sight thanks to a successful transplant, sees her world turned upside down by the presence of ghosts.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Ball fever’s on the brain

Posted on October 26, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |

Baseball fever, that is, specifically the World Series. Of course, unless it’s “quirky” news, it doesn’t posted here.

It seems some Red Sox fans are going a little batty with World Series fever … orrrrr maybe they just figure baseball is as good an excuse as any to troll for sex on Craigslist. Why should the players get to do all the scoring? Let’s hope that the “Green Monster” isn’t a euphemism for anything.

Don’t think that the other team in the Series is without fault either. If you thought Red Sox fans were bonkers, what about the Colorado Rockies booster who is willing to give up a 25-year strong Playboy collection just to go to one World Series game? Quick, someone get that collection so we can read the articles while that thin Rocky Mountain air is affecting his judgment!

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Barbarism or barbering?

Posted on October 26, 2007
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Bidders of world, unite! A lock of hair purportedly snipped from the corpse of Che Guevara in 1967 went up for auction recently. The hair, which can only be described as “hair-looking,” fetched $100,000 and was purchased by a 61-year-old man.

His bid was the only one in the auction, and it met the minimum bid. Apparently, Che isn’t as collectible as his T-shirts.

However, being a Marxist, he would hate the fact that his hair became a trophy of ownership by the wealthy. He would probably want the $100,000 to be spread evenly across the country. Take that, commie!

Written by Bryan McBournie

Snakes in a storage unit

Posted on October 26, 2007
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |

Folks, this blog touts the virtues of the brave men and women fighting the War on Animals, we also encourage our readers to help the fight and be ready however they can. One thing we don’t recommend is leaving animals alone for days on end.

Not because we’re worried about the enemy’s welfare, but rather, with no one to guard them, someone else is bound to stumble upon these detainees. Such a case happened in Florida recently, when managers of a storage shed opened up one rented room that was late on payment. They found deadly and exotic snakes.

This could have ended in human injury or loss of human life. Remember: don’t neglect animals, execute them.

Written by Bryan McBournie