Not so great white
Posted on November 12, 2007
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We’ve all known for years that sharks are dangerous. Of all the animal kingdom, their faction never liked the uneasy truce that held until the infamous attack of Steve Irwin. They killed at will and continue to this day.
However, it seems one surfer in California found himself in a battle (or as the story moronically puts it, a “hand-to-hand fight”) with a great white shark, only to be saved by dolphins. Does this mean the dolphins are changing sides? Probably not. This blog thinks it just means sharks are the jerks of the sea.
Written by Bryan McBournieWe terrify journalists
Posted on November 12, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |
David Leigh of UK paper, The Guardian, wants to remind you that bloggers are not real journalists because they lack credibility.
And we would like to remind you that you can get all the news you can shake a stick at here on SeriouslyGuys dot com. Tell a friend/burn a newspaper.
Written by Rick SneeWhat’s so bad about Bob?
Posted on November 12, 2007
Filed Under Scurry '07 | Leave a Comment |
Poor Bob Allen. While everyone has been obsessing over Sen. Larry Craig’s bathroom stall, nobody noticed that the Florida state representative was found guilty of soliciting sex from an undercover officer. Of course, he’s sticking with the “just hanging out in the bathroom with scary men” story, but why doesn’t he get to be interviewed by Matt Lauer?
Also, when is it a good time to get a new group of attorneys? When your “team of defense attorneys decide not to present any evidence or testimony to the jury. Allen was not put on the witness stand to deny the story told by Titusville police officer Daniel Kavanaugh.” That’s probably a good sign too.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: Old people
Posted on November 12, 2007
Filed Under McBournie Minute | Leave a Comment |
At some point, you will die. (How’s THAT for starting off your morning on a bright note?) Thanks to modern medicine, the day on which you will die is getting farther and farther away. That is, unless you spend your days chain smoking, emptying every bottle in sight and using pre-owned needles, in which case, you are in the H.O.V. lane to soil slumber.
There is an unfortunate side effect of this seemingly good news: there are more old people around these days. People are living nearly as long today as they were in the book of Genesis (reference!). It’s true, folks just don’t have the common decency to kick the oxygen habit the way they used to. You know how long the average lifespan was when FDR introduced Social Security? Around 65, the same age you were allowed to retire and live off the government. FDR was a genius, he pushed through Congress something that sounded great, while in reality it allowed senior citizens to put their pickaxes down and step out of the coal mines, so they could enjoy their last days–both of them.
This is why retirement worked so well. Those freeloading old people were considerate enough to kick the oxygen habit after a few years on the taxpayers’ dime (later, due to inflation and a weak dollar, became the taxpayers’ $20).
But today, we see old people living well past their 40s, 50s, 60s, well into their eighth and ninth decades of existence. In most cases, they are free to enjoy a life of semi-coherency, holding up traffic on the highway, defending their sacred lawns from invading whipper-snappers and all the diapers the government can afford. Some are even jumping out of planes for no good reason. This needs to be stopped, folks. We need to demand our old people stop taking care of themselves, and their caretakers do the same.
Move over, gramps. Or at least, get a job, you bum.
Written by Bryan McBournie