In 2002, Neil Marshall directed a low-budget film called Dog Soldiers. The plot was simple; take a close-knit group of six men, strand them in the wilderness and expose them to hostile monsters, i.e. werewolves. The film received a healthy reception both critically and financially and gradually wound it’s way towards it’s final cult destination. It’s a great film-make sure to rent it though, as opposed to watching it on The Sci-Fi Channel. Cut to 2005, and you could be forgiven for thinking that Marshall’s third film, The Descent, in which a close group of six women are stranded in a cave and exposed to hostile under-dwellers, is an exact blueprint rip-off of his earlier film. Not so much Dog Soldiers as “Lassie Spelunkers.” You could be forgiven for thinking that then, but you’d also be wrong, because this film is an extremely different beast altogether. The Descent is much more streamlined. This film’s lean. It’s mean. And by god, it’s as scary as hell.
Day: November 30, 2007
On education: it’s time for another abstract war
100% of the drug abusers who have sex with this teacher (left) are students receiving an education.
What is the culprit in all of these situations? Education.
Notice, if you will, a disturbing trend:
- 100% of the developers of new math received education. Furthermore, their method was published and marketed by a university that may or may not sell education.
- D.A.R.E. is co-cordinated by educators. 100% of D.A.R.E. attendees are students, and 100% of those students that use drugs went to school (read: education).
- 100% of educators found guilty of sexual misconduct with students received some degree of education. 100% of all students who were sexually abused by their teachers met their antagonists in an educational environment.
In short, it’s time to take off the kid gloves, folks. Education is the cause of all of our society’s ills, including education. As impractical as it may seem, it is time to start another war: The War on Education.
This week in endangered species
We begin this post with bad news. Our mole has been snuffed out. Yes, Julie MacDonald, a former deputy assistant secretary overseeing the Fish and Wildlife Service, has been found out for her successful attempt to keep certain species off the endangered species list.
Such animals as the Canada lynx, Preble’s meadow jumping mouse and the Hawaiian picture-wing fly are just a few of the animals McDonald bravely kept off the list for our cause. It’s the hippies in the government who are always trying to lose every war we fight (most notably, the war on drugs) who created the Endangered Species Act.
Key quote: “Francesca Grifo of the Union of Concerned Scientists said the acknowledgment of seven instances of wrongdoing ‘does not begin to plumb the depths of what’s wrong’ at the wildlife agency and its implementation of the Endangered Species Act.”
That’s totally true. The problem with the implementation of the Endangered Species Act is that it’s being implemented at all.
In other news, our forces are finally gathering in more coherent units. One shining example of this progress comes from the island of Cyprus, where gunmen stormed a “protected” rare fruit bat colony and then used the bats for target practice, nearly all were killed.
Folks, it is through organized, military efforts that we can strike the animal bastards in their natural habitat. Go to a zoo, study their ways, then go out and hit them where they live. You know they would do the same to you, if we don’t act, perhaps one day they will.
Rise of the machines
You know how movies are always saying technology is bad? Perhaps, for once, movies are right about that. The FBI now believes they have captured the leader of the A-Team. Apparently, the group has gotten out of the hero-for-hire business and have moved to hacking and creating a “botnet” or legion of people’s computers they can control remotely by using viruses and worms. B.A. Baracus left the A-Team in the 1990s and has been seen most recently doing commercials for World of Warcraft.
Just remember, these people cannot be killed. I personally have seen bad guys empty clip after clip with automatic rifles and hit nothing but the dirt at their feet and whatever they happen to duck behind.