Greasy thumbs encouraged
Posted on November 28, 2007
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Americans are naturally competitive. It’s in our blood. Obviously, because we are the best country in the world, or not. In any case, where is the World Series held? The World Series? How about the NBA Championship, home of the World Champions? We are the best in the world, and we love to compete to prove it.
Before, this blog said competitive eating was the most American pastime ever created (the link is not available, but we know you trusty readers recall it). After all, it combines America’s two favorite things: competition and binge eating fatty foods. But now, there is a newer, more American pastime: competitive text messaging.
Quick, text a buddy with the following message: “Omg, did u c whts on sg 2day? lol.”
Written by Bryan McBournieDownsizing hits the workshop
Posted on November 28, 2007
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The War on Christmas is back again, surprisingly enough, it does not involve animals this time around–yet. Instead, it seems the economy hurts everyone, including Santa’s elves.
In Helsinki, elves at Santa Park, which this blog can only assume is some kind of weird Finnish Christmas tribute, lost their jobs to “temporary workers.” Once again, Mexicans are taking jobs from hard-working elves.
Written by Bryan McBournieEat My Sports: Sean Taylor
Posted on November 27, 2007
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This week is an abbreviated EMS, and I’ll make it short, but nothing about this situation is sweet. Sean Taylor, one of the premier safeties in the NFL, and the true anchor of the Washington Redskins’ defense, was shot in his Miami home on Monday morning, then later passed at an area hospital.
Taylor, the fifth overall pick by the Skins in the 2004 draft was entering his prime, and had reached a level of maturation that his coaches had come to admire, a far cry from his days as being labeled as one of the NFL’s bad boys.
No one played the game with more tenacity. He was fierce on the field and was the support structure for Washington’s defense. Anyone who has seen what his absence has meant this season knows that, but his permanent absence leaves a far greater hole.
Marking this as anything other than a tragedy would be labeling it wrong, you hate to see anyone go, but for someone to pass for nothing other than staying in his home adds a touch more of helplessness to the entire situation. We’ll leave the comment board open for your thoughts/memories of #21/#36. As for what annoys me most in sports this week, nothing gets at me more than this.
Written by Bryan SchoolsIt rubs the pepper spray on the skin…
Posted on November 27, 2007
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…or else it gets the crown again. Ingrid Marie Rivera survived a pepper spray attack—it was coated on her dress by rival contestants—and still managed to claim the Miss Puerto Rico crown. It’s a sad state of affairs when even the illustrious Miss Puerto Rico is besieged by malicious acts such as these. Nonetheless, there’s a very easy solution to these kinds of clothing-related assaults. All beauty pageants should be performed in the nude.
Except Miss Vermont. That’s right, I’m talking to you.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorBut … it’s a nurse
Posted on November 27, 2007
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Why would a nurse, a profession that pornography has demonstrated is pro-spanking, recommend a law to outlaw spanking?
Who knows? But considering the law is proposed for Massachussetts, parents there might want to get their licks in while they still can.
This, of course, raises the question: what’s the point of guaranteeing insurance for your children if you can’t beat them or scourge their lungs with secondhand smoke?
Written by Rick SneeIt will scare away the camel spiders
Posted on November 27, 2007
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Our troops serving overseas are horribly under-equipped. They need the best we can give them, since they are defending us and all. Luckily, civilians have been stepping up. Soon, our troops will receive tons and tons of harmonicas.
Why? Because they’ve got those extended tour of duty blues.
Written by Bryan McBournieI believe you have my STAPLER!
Posted on November 27, 2007
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Local law enforcement in Kentucky was not prepared for such shocking crime. They could only respond the best way they knew how after a robbery was reported.
According to witnesses, a man wearing a ski mask whom we can only assume was not skiing, got away with $175 from an ice cream store after threatening employees with a stapler.
Key quote: “Ashland Police Capt. Don Petrella said he didn’t know if Rocchi planned to shoot staples at the shop’s employees or use it as a blunt instrument if he didn’t get the cash.”
Written by Bryan McBournieThe right of the people to run red lights shall not be infringed
Posted on November 26, 2007
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Do you believe red-light cameras violate your right to privacy, but can’t find a convincing arguement against them? A Knoxville resident has tested their safety with his .30-06 high powered rifle.
Finding: The plating used on the red light camera increases the possibility of ricochet damage from small arms fire to nearby homes and businesses.
So if you can’t argue your constitutional right to run red lights, you can argue against the cameras’ safety to the community, thanks to the Second Amendment. For more information, contact your local chapter of the Rick Snee Antidisestablismentarian Militia.
Written by Rick SneeSuck it, Aibo
Posted on November 26, 2007
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Even though I have yet to watch Battlestar Galactica (despite the pressuring of others), even I know that as impressive as it is, the marketing department may be a little shy of the Cylon-esque armor at the end. The best part of the video though? The way the narrator says “exoskeleton” as if it was the single most awesome thing ever….
…..cuz it is.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWatch out for that sky!
Posted on November 26, 2007
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Buchanan’s back and brings tidings of, well, bleakness. This blog normally doesn’t care about Pat’s endeavors, but his new book made Drudge’s top post of the day.
Among Pat’s latest fears are Mexicans in Mexico, Mexicans crossing our borders, Mexicans becoming American citizens and Mexicans in America. How high do Mexicans rank on the Patented Buchanan Crap-Your-Pants-ometer? Higher than the Russians, the Chinese and the entire Middle East. This includes the belief that El Guapo will build a nice villa in the southwest and claim it for May-hee-co.
And this is the comfort of fringe-conservatism: if the American sky is a second story window, then brown people are holding the stickball bat.
Written by Rick Snee « go back — keep looking »