Day: December 4, 2007

Eat My Sports: FedEx Field

Large soda – $6
Three measly chicken tenders and a couple of fries – $10
“Discount” Redskins jerseys – $115
Realizing how much of a ripoff professional games are- pricele$$

I have always been one to support the competitive nature of sport on any level, for one, I have attended many women’s field hockey, beach volleyball and Anna Kournikova tennis matches. But one thing that I appreciate as a fan, is when the team you are supporting, and spending hundreds of your dollars on, cuts you a break. Just for the record, scantily clad cheerleaders are not considered a break, I consider them part of a “package deal” with any franchise. In a related note, do hockey teams have cheerleaders? If not, someone needs to rectify that situation.

Back to the point, and more importantly to the Washington Redskins. Growing up in Richmond, and spending quite a bit of time around the D.C. area, I have come to at the very least root for Washington. And by root, I mean when it’s a choice between Miami and the New York Jets on Television, I’ll take the lesser of three evils.

So, this weekend I had the opportunity to go see the team, and like many others, pay my final respects to Sean Taylor. But before I get into price wars, I must say the Redskins and everyone attending gave that man one of the best tributes I have ever seen. Joe Gibbs, for all of his mistakes, putting 10 men on the field to honor Sean at the beginning of the game was the definition of class.

Now, I do not have a basis for comparison, modern at least, given that my last pro game was six years ago, but the prices in Landover, MD were the biggest middle finger to fans I have ever seen. D.C. is an expensive area as is, cost of living, food costs, food taxes, former mayor’s cocaine habits … so give the little man a break when they go to support a multi-billion dollar institution. No, $8 for a beer and $5 for a piece of processed meat is the deal Daniel Snyder gives to the fans that have supported arguably the most frustrating team to pull for in the past 15 years. Clippers fans are excused from this because, well, nobody really ever expects anything from you.

I was expecting prices to hike up a little. But by the fact that the guy in front of me had to spend $88 just to build up enough of a buzz to start cursing out the Bills fans in front of him as well as explaining to the five-year-old girl next to him that the words he was using were German expressions of cheers … I guess you see where I’m going.

All I’m saying is give us a reason to go to the game. Because personally, I could’ve had a beer and had the best seat in the house, at home.

Top five things that annoy me in sports this week:
5. Joe Gibbs. I know this has been a traumatic week for your team, but even I know you can’t call two timeouts in a row … just from playing Madden.
4. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. You seriously couldn’t find anyone more modern or relevant to play the Super Bowl?
3.The Perfect Patriots. When they fall, it is going to be hilarious, and I’m pretty sure Bob Kraft will go into a cheese-induced coma.
2. Miami Heat. Only you can be this bad with The Big Aristotle, Riles and D-Wade (worst nickname since LT).
1. Correction, Miami sports in general. You know what? That’s just too easy.

My non-sports related thoughts of the week.
*What ever happened to Right Said Fred?
*I love how Apple will willingly give you a new product instead of actually going through the trouble of fixing what was originally wrong with the first one.
*Spider-Man 3, even after repeated viewings to salvage something, was still the most disappointing film of the year.

Attention, anarchists

Still looking for that government-free utopia where you can live without submitting to any authority? Then get your ass to Belgium.

But you’d better hurry: Belgium’s Prime Minister, Guy Verhofstadt, is trying to settle the differences between French and Dutch residents to elect a new one. Time to put your money where your pierced mouth is and stop this from happening.

There’s still no word as to whether Belgium’s Board of Tourism will change their slogan to our proposal: “Belgium: as lawless as the rest of the world, but white.”

The perfect crime

In Ireland, someone has committed a crime that would not ordinarily make a publication as noteworthy as ours, save for its topic. A guy stole some beer.

Well, maybe “some” doesn’t quite do it justice (HAR, justice!). A man in Dublin drove his truck to the Guinness brewery, a source of national pride, then attached a trailer with 450 kegs of the Guinness goodness and drove out the front gate. I will repeat that last part again. The man drove out the front gate with 450 kegs of beer and no one batted an eye.

Irish police say they are looking for an extremely inebriated man who has not left the island nation in the past 24 hours. They have narrowed their search down to the country’s male population.

The War on Christmas

Once again, our most highest of high holy holidays is under attack by the Scrooges, Grinches and liberals of the world, who annually team up this time of year to end Christmas as we know it. This time around, evil reared its head as a 22-year-old college student and a brutal attack on a shopping mall Santa Claus.

According to police, Clint Westwood, who just might be the bizzaro world Clint Eastwood, videotaped himself shoving a pumpkin pie into the face of Claus. How can this guy ever claim it was for humor only when it was not even a shaving cream pie? Lock him up and throw away the key!