How To: Control that man o’ yours
Posted on January 31, 2008
Filed Under How To, Scurry '08, Sex Sells | Leave a Comment |
We’re not going to name any names, but there’s a concern that a certain lady running for president can’t control her husband, who was also once president. It’s a sensitive situation, so we’ll call them Hilda and Billfred to preserve their dignity. When Hilda commented that she can control Billfred, it caused a lot of people to wonder if it’s possible to control any husband, much less Billfred. To help you proud owners of men, The Guys got together to write how to control that man o’ yours.
Ghouls just want to have funds
Posted on January 31, 2008
Filed Under Zombies | Leave a Comment |
Just when your faith in humanity can’t get any lower … SeriouslyGuys is here to make sure that it can! A male nurse recently admitted to stealing body parts from 244 corpses and then giving them to patients, all to make a buck. What’s really scary is that he was simply a part of ring spanning over 1000 body parts wide. Also, since we know that death certificates were forged to hide the knowledge that some of the parts were ridden with cancer and AIDS, we can only assume that the recipients of said parts will die … but how can we guarantee that they won’t die again? With a body part taking ring as large as it was, how can we not be sure that one of the members didn’t practice dark ju-ju that could create zombies? It’s a fairly easy jump to make, I’d say. Lee Cruceta and Michael Mastromarino, I’m onto you.
Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor‘A year on,’ Boston still looks stupid
Posted on January 31, 2008
Filed Under What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
We’d like to thank The Boston Herald for reminding us that, one year ago, the Boston Police Department thought lite-brite displays were bombs.
One year later, and the news staff still doesn’t know the difference between “hoax” and “mistake” … unless they believe bomb scares help box office revenue.
Written by Rick SneeEat, drink and go voting
Posted on January 31, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
Idaho and its resident Idahoans have the idea. In an 11-7 vote by the House State Affairs Committee, liquor will allowed to be purchased and sold throughout the entire upcoming election.
Side note: We here at SeriouslyGuys DO NOT endorse getting loaded and then going out to vote, these circumstances usually lead to people like Ross Perot getting a percentage of the votes. However, if you are not a registered voter, and prefer to get loaded and think about Ross Perot, well we have no problems with that.
Written by Bryan Schools“Alcohol is alcohol is alcohol.”
Take that, Flipper!
Posted on January 31, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We all know that the War on Animals is a frontless war. Attacks can come from anywhere at any time. However, while those facts may scare us humans, there is no reason why we can’t use them to put fear into the hearts of our enemies.
In Bangladesh, some fishermen took the fight to the enemy, and not by harvesting fish. They found a rare river dolphin and promptly beat it to death because they had never seen such a thing before. They then brought it into town to sell it, but when they couldn’t find a buyer, they dumped it off at a local museum, where it is scheduled to go on display.
Nothing like putting your enemies’ dead bodies up on display to serve as a warning to all others to stay away from the community.
Written by Bryan McBournieTake it from Snee: ‘Serial Killer’ game is A-OK
Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
If there’s one thing I enjoy about art, it’s an artist’s ability to willingly create something guaranteed to offend the masses. It seems easy: find a piece of collectively assumed “common” thought, and then create something that challenges that thought. The difficulty is separating yourself from common sense long enough to finish that project and then defending it when the townfolk have arrived with your rail.
Ryan Hobson has this difficult part ahead of him right now. The artist has a board game on display at the Vermillion Gallery in Seattle, Washington. The game is adroitly titled, “The Serial Killer Trivia Game,” and consists of moving a player piece around the board and answering trivia questions about, go figure, serial killers. If you get the question right, you “kill” someone on that space, which represents a house.
Written by Rick SneeState of the Sops
Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
We begin this post with some very sad news from abroad. German beer sales are at their lowest in the past 15 years. Analysts are saying this means the German population is losing touch with its proud, beer-drinking culture. However, this blog suspects the Germans are merely busy preparing for other things. This blog suggests building and then tearing down a new Berlin Wall, so the Krauts have something to celebrate.
Now let’s head over to the States, where American drunkards refuse to let their need to bend an elbow get in the way of being responsible. A Wisconsin 911 operator, who no doubt is used to getting all kinds of unusual phone calls, got one that sets a new standard in drunken whoopsies: a drunk dial. A woman drunk dialed 911 saying she was took intoxicated to be driving. She said this as she drove along in her truck. Wonder how the cops knew to look for her?
Written by Bryan McBournie“The woman’s boyfriend in the passenger seat suggested she call 911 to report her own drunken driving, so she did, Nehls said. The boyfriend was not driving, she said, because he was too drunk.”
Prequel threatens another sci-fi franchise
Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under War on Aliens | Leave a Comment |
You know how we know the new Star Trek movie is going to suck? They just cast a kid for Cap’n Kirk.
And you know how we really know?
Written by Rick Snee“… we were going to see old Spock and a much younger version of the character in the same movie, courtesy of some time travel plot device that hasn’t been fully disclosed … [emphasis ours].”
I am curious (black) … (red) … (blue) … (orange) …
Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science! | Leave a Comment |
Scientists say that chameleons don’t change color to blend into their environment, they do it to get some lizard nookie. Then maybe afterward, they use it to get away without calling again, but, well, that’s a completely different nature special. Or maybe they use it to satisfy their desire to be something that they’re not. I mean, everyone loves the red chameleon because he’s so charming, right? But what about poor pink chameleon, the wall flower of the reptile world? No one loves him at all. Does that make it OK for him to change his color to red?
NO. It only helps perpetuate the stereotype that pink chameleons are nothing but awkward. Go forth young pink chameleon, someone the courage deep within thyself, even from the depths of yon teensy tiny lizard balls, and ask out that happening blue chameleon. If not, well, there’s always the possibility of us creating an episode of Maury Povich for chameleons.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSean Young shows young starlets how to get it done
Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | 1 Comment |
Not to be outdone by Hollywood’s current stable of floozies, Sean Young recently took it upon herself to show Paris, Britney and Lindsay how to really make a drunken spectacle.
Ms. Young kicked it Olde Schoole by taunting a winning director at the Directors Guild of America Awards, unlike the current, lazier generation that gets drunk and stupid at clubs. Bascially, that’s like going down in Sunday mass as opposed to holding an orgy in a whorehouse.
Ms. Young has now trumped them again by entering rehab before an unseemly arrest. The word on the street is that she will go through it only once this year, proving that classy ladies are housebroken after one accident.
Take note, little princesses. You just got served by the Queen.
Written by Rick Snee keep looking »