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| Dear Dr. Snee,
I’m pretty sure that I have tuberculosis, however my health insurance has not taken effect yet and I cannot afford to see a physician or go to the hospital. Do you think you could suggest some inexpensive, home remedies? |
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Day: January 7, 2008
Seniors act like they own the world
Seniors are a threat to this nation. They get a free ride off the government while we fit the bill for their ever-increasing medical costs, then they turn around and get discounts at the movies. Sorry, gramps, I’m not paying for your colonoscopy! Worse still, seniors are trying to run the country. Many of our nation’s leaders are themselves senior citizens, and the American Association of Retired Persons is one of the largest lobby groups in the country.
Another threat: apparently they want to vote, ultimately changing a future they won’t be around to see, anyway. A Chicago woman, aged 114 years young (for those of you keeping score at home, she was born during the second term of President Grover Cleveland) recently registered to vote. Why now? She just learned they gave women the right to vote.
When you think of old people behind the wheel, chances are you think of two knuckles clutching a steering wheel in a car going 20 mph below the speed limit with the blinker on. Clearly, you’ve never been to Canada. An 85-year-old man in Ontario was pulled over for doing 100 mph in a 40 zone. On top of that, it’s Canada, so of course there was ice everywhere as well as a driving snow.
Just when the ‘pirate vs. ninja jokes’ seemed over …
Source: toothpastefordinner.com
Here at SeriouslyGuys, we keep our finger on the pulse of the Internet. So it was no surprise to us that a ninja is terrorizing New York City.
The ninja, as seen in this police sketch, has just committed robbery number 19. Based on his or her tenacity, it is reasonable to assume that burgulary number 20 means a free set of Ginzu knives.
As a warning to our New York readers, do not attempt to apprehend this ninja yourself as it is armed and really, really quiet: “The Ninja Bandit got his nickname after an earlier victim said the intruder wielded a set of nunchucks when they scuffled in the homeowner’s kitchen in September.”
No, better leave this to the professionals.
The McBournie Minute: Primary elections
Wake me when the presidential primaries are over, please. Jaded? Sure. Probably deserving a chide from P. “Vote or Die” Diddy? Of course.
I don’t live in Iowa, New Hampshire or South Carolina, and chances are you don’t, either. Guess what? That means you don’t really have a say in your party’s candidate chosen for the big one, the real race. Case in point: before the Iowa primary, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were tied in the polls. Obama won in Iowa and now the bandwagoneers have given him a 10 percent lead over Clinton. That is insane.
Sure, every state has primary elections, but it’s only the first ones that matter. After that, people just vote for whomever the other states chose. How pointless is that?
On top of that, I am fairly certain all 100 members of the U.S. Senate decided to run for president, so odds are if you had a favorite before the primary, odds are Iowa didn’t pick that one for you. We have had no memorable sound bites thus far from all the debates and rallies on both sides aside from “Don’t tase me, bro!” We don’t even have any good freak outs like the Howard Dean Scream of 2004. YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!
After the two candidates are chosen, and it looks likely to be Obama versus Huckabee (also known as The Inexperienced against The Downright Nutso), we have 11 months of bickering while we try to decide who we disagree with less. This promises to be a strange, strange year. For updates on the campaign trail, be sure to follow our coverage with Scurry to the White House, ’08. Best viewed with beer goggles.