Steven Spielberg is such a household name as a director that it might surprise you to learn how many fingers he has in how many pies. In the last ten years (and this list is by no means exhaustive) he has executive produced Deep Impact, The Mask of Zorro, The Haunting, What Lies Beneath, Shrek, Memoirs of a Geisha, Monster House, Jurassic Park III, Men in Black II and Transformers, as well as the TV series Band of Brothers and Taken. On top of this he’s written all of games in the “Medal of Honor” series. Oh, there’s also the small matter of directing Amistad, Saving Private Ryan, A.I., Minority Report, Munich, The Terminal and War of the Worlds. All of which were bankers at the box office, many laden with awards. Now comes another change in direction, the delightful Catch Me If You Can, which is right up there with his greatest films and one which should become a perennial favorite in years to come.
Day: January 11, 2008
How did ‘aging’ not make this list?
Ever wonder if your fears make you a freak? While Hollywood will let you consistently let you down when adapting your favorite novel/comic book for the big screen, the stars will out phobia you, as this slideshow claims.
Hilarious excerpts:
- Nicole Kidman’s fear is “acting.”
- Toby “Spider-Man” Maguire’s is “heights.”
- Billy Bob Thornton is apparently afraid of anything the Queer Eye guys can throw at him (“bright colors,” “antiques, silver cutlery” and “water”).
- Justin Timberlake had the most honest answer: “sharks, snakes” and “spiders.” No word if he meant normally or exclusively on motherf–king planes.
What’ll get your jollies? Porn, duh.
Hello, awards-show-enthusiast. Are you beside yourself because the Golden Globes were cancelled and the Oscars will likely follow suit? Have you devoted hours of predicting fashions on your blog, only to be frustrated that you can’t get that time back? Were you forced to euthanize your collection of purse dogs out of depression?
Don’t get glum, chum! The porn industry will always be there for you!
(By that, we mean they will always have something for you to watch, not participate.)
(Unless, by “participate,” you mean like how you jazzercise with Denise Austin.)
So get away from that dirty old television and gather the family around the computer for the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas! (SFW link)
Polar Express to deadtown
Remember that cute polar bear cub in some European zoo? The cub was going to be exterminated (and rightly so!), but public attention saved the bear’s life. An even more egregious example is in yet another European zoo, this time in Nuremburg, a city known for only good things, where a polar bear named Vera has been separated from her cub after eating her other three offspring.
The zoo was afraid Vera would eat the last of her young. The way this blog sees it, that’s not such a bad thing. After all, why do polar bears eat their young? Because they are so tasty. But seriously, this blog believes Vera realizes that animals like her are inherently evil and does not agree with the animal agenda of world domination, which is why she resides at a zoo and refuses to let herself multiply her species.
That’s why SG is proud to announce we’re naming Vera the polar bear Warrior of the Week. Vera is the first animal to hold the honor.
Blind optimism keeps you blind
Sometimes a person is on top of their game. Sometimes that person is ahead of the pack. They’re ready, willing and able to take on anything that’s coming their way. Nothing’s gonna get by their eye.
These are not those type of people.
Don’t believe me? Let’s view our first example. Recently, a 74 year old woman has filed a lawsuit with a company that has harassed her with repeated phone sex calls. Now, I really don’t care to think about the friskiness of geriatrics, mainly because I want to keep down my lunch for the past three weeks, but you might think that the company would’ve taken a hint back in 2006 when it was first told to stop sending these calls. Nope. A collection company then sent a bill to said septuagenarians. Thanks to their mistake, Palisades Acquisition IX is now on their way to being out an unspecified amount of money. Whoops!
Still in disbelief? Try this. A bank in downtown D.C. had a run in with a less than real Brinks guard who decided on getting a “payday advance.” This was not realized by bank officials or the local police until 11 hours after the fact. Thanks to the slip-up by a branch manager, Wachovia is out $100,000. Whoops! It’s OK though, because even though police don’t have a detailed description of the robber and don’t know whether he left the bank in a vehicle or on foot, “I think we’ll get him,” says Lt. William Farr.
Remember people, keep looking at both your fronts and your backs. You never know what it may cost you.
Does whatever a Frankenpig does
The War on Animals is not a war run by the governments by almost any capacity. One minute they support us, the next they turn against us and try to help the enemy. Recently we have seen some clear examples.
The U.S. government is considering adding the pygmy rabbit to the endangered species list. Why? Because to those who have not opened their eyes to the war going on all around us, what is cuter than a bunny? How about a little tiny bunny?
Folks, all this means is that our time frame is limited. We need to act now before the government can stop us. Grab a gun and go a-huntin’. Just remember, they are small, fast-moving targets, so automatic rifles are suggested.
In China, a genetically-engineered green pig or “Frankenpig,” successfully bred with a normal pig and gave birth to two piglets. They’re multiplying! It’s only a matter of time before the super pigs overrun the Chinese and begin their “Animal Farm” style revolution.
Why would China make a green pig? Our best guess is they heard about the green pigeon in Annapolis, Maryland. You know what that means, it’s time for some green eggs and ham!