The world is going to hell in one of those cute little baskets on the front of girls’ tricycles–everyone knows that. In times like these, sometimes the only respite we have can be found at the bottom of a bottle. But on beaches across the country (OK, maybe just the coastal areas) local governments are working to ban booze from our nation’s shores.
The latest front, or frontage, in this battle is San Diego (Spanish for “Home of the Padres”), where a ban has just taken effect. That means San Diegans, thirsty after lying all day in the sun, cannot quench themselves with a sweet, sweet diarrhetic. This cannot be allowed to stand! How else can they enjoy the incredibly mild and regular weather with which their municipality has been blessed?
“Calls for more stringent regulations on drinking at city beaches followed a Labor Day melee in Pacific Beach, where police in riot gear arrested 16 people after being pelted with beer cans.”
So the party may have gotten a little out of hand, but it was the workers, whom Labor Day celebrates, that chose to celebrate in such a fashion. You’re telling us the workers can’t celebrate however they want? That’s like telling Santa Claus he can’t do a little B&E on Christmas Eve.
It’s time to fight back, drunkards! Gather up all your empty bottles and get the deposit back on them, then e-mail me with updates. We’ll pool our funds and make a road trip out to San Diego to protest. Let’s fight this before they make Corona’s entire ad campaign illegal!