The Guys were minding our own business on that quiet January day in 1990, when this doosey of a story landed in our preadolescent laps. We quickly updated our SeriouslyGuys BBS, which almost crashed the entire Compuserve network.
Day: January 18, 2008
Undead rise, Europeans busy watching soccer
If movies like 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead and 28 Weeks Later are any indication, zombies can and do reside in Europe. This week’s news has shown life imitates art.
A U.K. man, while technically in South Africa, we’re still going with Europe on this one, was found by emergency personnel in the ocean. When they pulled him out, he had had no pulse for over an hour. It was another 15 minutes before they brought him back. But really, what did they bring back?
We’re no doctors, but if someone is dead for over an hour, then start moving again, guess what? That’s called the undead. Grab a shotgun and show no mercy. Besides, you’re telling me this guy doesn’t look like a zombie?
In Lithuania, which as this blog understands it is somewhere in Europe, the body of a young woman was found in a forest. The parents of a girl reported missing positively identified her body. Then, months later, the girl got hauled in for shoplifting. Nice try, zombie punk! You can’t steal from the living. Besides, what are you shoplifting? Food? We all know you only eat brains!
(That first one courtesy of Courtney P.)
Cloning paves way to cheaper mustache rides
Stemagen, a stem cell research laboratory in California, has cloned a human being.
The pictured cloned human is allegedly “Dr. [Samuel] Wood, Stemagen’s chief executive officer and a leading fertility specialist,” but this blog knows better. This experiement was really meant to eventually create a new Ron Burgundy for the 21st century.
After the early-stage embryo was created by combining Dr. Wood’s skin cell and a donated human egg, Dr. Wood was overheard commenting on the appearance of his clone.
“I look good,” Dr. Wood said. “Hey, everybody! Come see how good I look!”
Strip club’s sign teases prudes
The residents of Pinellas Park are all a-twitter about the Bottoms Up strip club’s new billboard.
The sign features a lady in only a thong and a smile, but strategically laying so that all the good parts are covered. We, here at SeriouslyGuys, categorize that position the Sports Illustrated “Where’d my top go?” Tease.
The real tease is luring citizens, including the mayor and city planner, to raise a stink to the press for free publicity, while nothing can be done about the sign because it meets all of the county’s billboard and adult content laws.
How come all the major free speech debates are fought by porn? Maybe it’s because they’re the only ones with the balls.
One if by land …
What were once thought to be wild animals are everyday getting closer and closer to our population’s centers. Soon, people living in cities, who think only squirrels and pigeons can hurt them, may find themselves face to face with a creature bend on their destruction.
Such a thing happened recently in Boston, where of all things, a coyote was captured in Boston’s wealthy North End. This is an unusual occurrence, especially for such a high-class part of town. Clearly, the coyote was looking to attack the wealthy and famous of Massachusetts. This can mean only one thing: animals hate your 2007 Perfect Season New England Patriots.
Folks, this is a clear indication of just how much we need to rally behind this ragtag group of happy go lucky footballers. If for no other reason, than to help defeat the Animal Uprising. Besides, they’re called the Patriots. What do you hate America or something?