Day: January 22, 2008

Eat My Sports: Playoff quarterbacks

I promise I will get off of my football kick after the Pro Bowl. I mean does anyone really pay any attention to anything else this time of year? Well, other than Maria Sharapova, but she doesn’t play until 3:22 am Eastern, trust me, I know.

First off, I know, I was wrong. I had the Chargers-Pats game nailed down to a L.T. (lame?) except the Bolts, like a sophomore on a prom date, choked and couldn’t punch it in past the goal line. And never in my life have I ever overestimated a team (Packers) and quarterback (Eli Manning) so grossly as I had last Sunday. To Manning and the Giants, you’ve proved yourself and paid your dues, even if you lose in February, you’ve earned a nation’s respect. We’ll get to Super Bowl predictions next week though. This week, we are going to analyze and rate all 12 playoff QBs and rate them. It’s kind of like rating a Hooters’ walk off, just less hot.

Continue reading Eat My Sports: Playoff quarterbacks

The Fantastic 4,000,000,000,000,000

Proving that no good comes of mixing space and bugs, the Russians have reported that cockroaches born in space are “faster and tougher than their terrestrial brethren.”

Theories for this disturbing development include developing in a zero-gravity environment or, like the Fantastic Four, exposure to space radiation.

To maintain superiority over all lower forms of animal life, we must ban all non-humans from spaceflight. To not do so will risk making our worst fears a reality.

Man the Quarantine Buttons!

We’ve encountered an uncharted region of Virus Spam Country, boys! It would seem that spam of the pornographic variety has finally caught up to Facebook, making this once super-special social networking site just like every other place social networking site (*coughMySpacecough*) on teh internets(TM). While I’m not sure if I truly care whether or not Facebook is being besieged by the pornsters, I suppose I side against it taking place-but that’s mainly because I’m addicted to Warbook, and any possible chance of that application being eliminated from my life brings tears of sadness rage and meanness.

Time for walkies!

In recent news from Britannia, a goth and his fiance were kicked off the bus because he walks her on a leash.

And now, the guessing game:

What did the goth call the bus driver after being kicked off the bus?
A) My good sir.
B) Jerk.
C) Fascist pig.
D) Mr. Bus Driver Man.

No, this isn’t a Vault article from 1997. There are apparently still goths in the world, and the English actually pay attention to them.

The answer was C, although we would also accept D if sung “Heil! to the Bus Driver Man.”

The bar is closed? ¡No me gusta!

Everyone, raise a glass this morning, preferably one of some sort of tequila in honor of Mexico’s oldest cantina. The dive is now closed after 150 years in business.

El Nivel was proud to serve presidents and commoners alike. It opened in 1855 and had the first cantina license, but now the doors are locked and no more cervesas will be served. Why? No surprise here, because the educated elitists at the National Autonomous University of Mexico. Yes, NAUM won a 17-year legal battle with the drinking establishment and now it is closed.

This is a clear example of how educators are ruining everything. Not only are they bent on taking away historic places they should be teaching about, they are also closing fun places to booze. One would thing teachers would understand better, if this blog had to teach young adults day in and day out, you would find this blog drinking heavily, probably at El Nivel.