They want to slow our progress

Posted on January 30, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | 2 Comments |

All seems to be fairly quiet right now in the War on Animals. This may be caused by the cold weather, sending our foes into a dormant state, or in some cases, hibernation.

However, in the warmer climates it doesn’t appear to be cold enough for the enemy to stop the fight altogether. In Florida, 20,000 bats have made the underside of twin bridges their home. They are delaying the construction on Interstate 95. While this is probably a passive attempt at slowing down our progress, this does mark a possible change in strategy. They are now going after our infrastructure, we have seen some examples of this in the recent past.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Eat My Sports: Super Bowl XLII

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Eat My Sports | Leave a Comment |

America’s Game. America’s day. Nothing quite says “national pastime” quite like the nation collectively gathering to drink cheap beer, eat chips and hot wings and watch the NFL’s championship game solely for the commercials.

I love the Super Bowl. No matter who is playing, I always find a reason to pull for a team, and justify that in one form or another that I have kind of been pulling for them since week 1. Unfortunately for me, my Steelers have only played in the big game twice since my mother decided that she had had it with me in her stomach. This has led me to pull for the Patriots (yes EMS followers, in the Super Bowls held in 1997 and 2002 I actually pulled for the Patriots, this was prior to Tom Brady becoming the devil incarnate), Buccaneers, Titans, Chargers, Eagles, Panthers, Broncos and Colts. Any justifiable reason? I want to have a verifiable excuse for getting excited when something happens.

The problem with the Super Bowl is that it rarely lives up to the hype that the media builds it up for two excruciating weeks. But this year, I have a different feeling. If Brady’s injury is for real, the Pats passing game will suffer even more than it has already through two close games. The New York Giants’ defense will not allow Brady to coast through another Super Bowl untouched, and Eli Manning is validating his career much like his older brother did last year. A little fun fact for you Patriots’ bandwagoners: the last time there was a double-digit spread in the Super Bowl, the Greatest Show on Turf was favored by 14 over a humble New England franchise and a little known quarterback named Tom Brady. History has a funny way of making things come full circle. That’s why my gut instinct says this:

Written by Bryan Schools

Cheaper jobs in India mean cheaper transplant organs

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |

Ever think your job is getting the better of you: unpaid overtime, working from home on sick days, repeated pitches to buy Girl Scout cookies?

Apparently, employers are worse in India, where they steal organs from new “employees.”

Chalk this up as another reason to be very afraid if your job is relocated to India.

(Courtesy of Kerry Y.)

Written by Rick Snee

Your heart is more important than your liver

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | 1 Comment |

If you see an Olympic hopeful sitting at the bar one night, leave him alone, he’s getting in shape. Also, you might want to question why you can recognize anyone trying out for the Olympics.

In any case, as it turns out, drinking is not only good for you, it can help keep you in shape. This blog has been saying this for years that 12 oz. curls are still curls. Studies now show that having a drink or two (or depending on your interpretation of “two,” 12) can help keep your heart in good shape, along with 30 to 60 minutes of daily exercise.

The Guys recommend having the drinks before you exercise, or bring the drinks in your water bottle. Like work, exercise goes by much faster if you are under the influence. Besides, it’s more fun to stagger than jog anyway.

Written by Bryan McBournie

The Right Stuff done wrong

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | 2 Comments |

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to begin your mid day with your daily dose of apocalypse! Say your prayers and kiss your rump goodbye, because we’re about to witness an undeniable sign of ends times: the reunion of New Kids on the Block.

Just a few years ago, we were safe from this, as not even VH1 could reunite them. But now … ye gods. We all better start enjoying our last handful of days. Personally, I like that we’re speeding the heat death of the universe simply by talking about this. WE’RE CAUSING ENTROPY! ENTROPY!! WE’VE GOT TO STOP!!

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

Headline of the Day: ‘Man dies in crocodile orgy’

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Headline of the Day, War on Animals | 1 Comment |

We can only imagine what this croc is waiting to 'receive.' Not only are crocodiles ruthless, unrepentant killing machines, but they also hold blood origes for the Devil.

On a side note, it’s a shame Crocodile Hunter is already trademarked, because it’d make a great follow-up web site to the MILF Hunter.

Image: “Croc” by kevinzim/sxc.

Written by Rick Snee

Making funerals fun again

Posted on January 29, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | 1 Comment |

Everyone will someday die, and as long as you stay dead, we are OK with it. However, that doesn’t mean that death isn’t part of life. Because it’s a part of life, it can sometimes get downright strange. Don’t think so?

In England, just as anywhere else in the world, sometimes your loved ones ask to be cremated. One crematorium has thought of solving their heating bill problems with something they do anyway. Still can’t guess it? They are going to heat the building using the heat from the burning bodies. That means the deceased’s final gift to his or her friends and family is the gift of warmth.

Back in the States, death can be fun here, too. In Arlington, Virginia there is a lot of growth going on. It sits right across the Potomac River from Washington. Office and apartment buildings are constantly being built because people want to move to this happening area. However, one apartment building offers a little bit more than any other: the first floor will feature a funeral home. Now, residents can mourn the deaths of their loved ones in a more convenient atmosphere. Because just because their life stops, doesn’t mean yours has to.

Written by Bryan McBournie

The thing that came from the sewer

Posted on January 28, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post | Leave a Comment |

Last week, we told you how to survive a monster attack. Little did we know that such knowledge would come in hand to our readers so quickly. The residents of the city of Lewiston, Maine are facing just such a crisis right now.

It seems a blob has attacked the city. For more than a week, the blob has called the city’s sewers its home. And it seems it has no intention of leaving. To make matters worse, city officials seem to be stumped as to how to get the blob out. More so, they are having problems justifying much action, since the blog has not yet claimed any victims.

Regardless, this blog recommends plastic explosives. Send that blob back to the hellhole it came from.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Who’s a little late to the party?

Posted on January 28, 2008
Filed Under What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |

The FCC’s a little late to the party! The FCC wants to fine ABC and its affiliates $1.4 million for broadcasting someone’s bare tuckus on a five year old episode of NYPD Blue, a show that not only has been off the air for at least two and a half years, but is no real stranger to showing nudity. Y’know, especially since it’s been doing that sort of thing since it’s debut in 1993 and has always been broadcasted with the appropriate warnings and all. By the way, butt cheeks are now a “sexual organ,” but maybe that just depends on how you use them.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor