Day: February 5, 2008

Eat My Sports: 19 and NO!!!

The New England Patriots had a date with history. The time was set, they were supposed to show up at 6:30 on February 3, 2008 in Arizona. These two had been seeing each other for quite a while. Batting eyes, flirting, saving the “big night” for a special time and place. For 21 weeks the Patriots had been seeing history, and on that special night they were going to go all the way with history.

The funny thing about history is that she is a two-timing, saucy, little minx. See, history, who also goes by destiny, had been flirting with the New York Giants as a side thing. The Giants and Patriots had actually met each other face to face a few weeks ago, but the Patriots thought there was no way that history would leave them for the Giants. Well, on the night that New England had planned, the Giants grabbed history and rocked her all night long. Continue reading Eat My Sports: 19 and NO!!!

Uh-oh, somebody’s plum tuckered

Speaking of presidents:

“President Bush, who stayed up past his normal bedtime to watch the end of a stirring Super Bowl, called members of the New York Giants organization on Monday to offer his congratulations.

[…]

The game finished just after 10 p.m., which is later than Bush normally stays up.”

Holy underwear! Our President, the full-grownest of all full-grown American men, has a bedtime? And that bedtime is earlier than that of most 12-year-olds?

Iran catches up with 1957 USSR

SeriouslyLadies and Gentlemen, we have a tie for Picture of the Day and Headline of the Day, courtesy of crazy Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the confused British writers at The Guardian.

When asked about his 3D glasses, the little guy replied, “I’m glad you asked tha–Holy crap! My hand looks like it’s going to touch my face!”

When his hand did, in fact, touch his face, he was startled, but quickly regained composure.

Image: “Old Tin Toy” by Louise Docker

No mar sonar

Of all the branches of the military, the U.S. Navy is probably the most finicky about just which side it is on in the War on Animals. This really makes no sense, seeing as how the military is supposed to help us fight wars, but nevertheless, there have been some issues with them in the past, including training dolphins and sea lions to protect the country’s shores, like we can really trust the enemy. The Navy has also roughed up yours truly when I tried to get onto the Naval Academy campus hunting a green pigeon.

Last month, President George Bush exempted the Navy from environmental protections, basically saying they could use their sonar whenever they want, even though traitors claim it kills whales–like that’s a bad thing. Before that, the issue had been bounced around in the federal courts. First the Navy could not use sonar because it might harm whales, then the courts said they could use sonar no matter what.

Now, the courts are saying Bush cannot take the steps necessary to keep our oceans free of mammals. That’s right, the Navy is back to no sonar mode. These liberal, critter-loving courts need to get their heads out of the sand and realize there is a war going on. If the courts had it their way, we wouldn’t be able to monitor our enemy’s mating calls, either!

The script has officially been flipped

Leave it to the delightfully debauched denizens of New Orleans to add a twist to the time-honored tradition of the “show us your breasts!” bead exchange: just for Mardi Gras 2008, Bead Whore takes on the prudes and helps revelers make matters perfectly clear in the bead-trade department. What’s not clear though is that if goods and services are traded, does what happens in New Orleans count as a form of capitalism?

As an aside, for some odd reason, I see that these signs will be as successful as bacon chocolate chip cookies. Bonus points though for anyone that prints out both of these signs onto business cards.

Open wide and say ow

A Russian health resort had a minor oopsie recently for some tourists who came there for enemas. What should have been a cleansing feeling ended up being most likely a bit uncomfortable, when a nurse accidentally used hydrogen peroxide instead of water. Seventeen tourists were rushed to the hospital, probably lying on their stomachs.

Look at it this way, when you’re trying to clean out your colon, what better to use than bleach?