Welcome to a special MasterChugs Theater. All you seriously in a relationship guys may know that Valentine’s Day is this week. If you didn’t, don’t worry, you’ve still got three days until you’re in trouble … unless you’re reading this on Thursday, then it’s Ruh-Roh, Raggy. For everyone else though, say salutations to “Love in the Theater”, a guide to the do’s and don’ts of the film world for this romantic week. Pay attention and you’ll hopefully get a do and not a don’t on Thursday evening. Our first victim: Love at First Bite. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater Love Tap: ‘Love at First Bite’
Day: February 11, 2008
Today’s lesson: B-double E-double R-U-N
Just when it seemed that education couldn’t get worse … a middle school teacher in Sweden totally redeems it!
The unnamed 37-year-old teacher was charged with buying alcohol for two of her 15-year-old students. This is the kind of action that packs those half-desks, gang.
Interesting note:
“It is illegal for people under 20 years of age to purchase alcohol in Sweden, although it is legal those aged 18 and above to consume alcoholic beverages.”
Fear the (sea) turtle
Turtles are a huge threat to our society. They can live for over 100 years, they eat whatever they want and some during their teen years become mutant ninjas. Of all turtles, it is the sea turtles that pose the biggest threat.
One leatherback turtle was recently tracked swimming from the shores of Indonesia to the coast of Oregon. The turtle was tracked a satellite tracking device, and scientists are saying it might be the longest migration of any animal with a backbone in the ocean. Basically, that means the sea turtle is the ICBM of the animal world.
What shocks this blog is the cowardice of the turtle. Rather than stand and fight like a man, your average turtle will either swim away or tuck itself into its shell. No wonder their bellies are yellow.
The war doesn’t end with death
It is this blog’s sad duty to report that actor Roy Scheider has passed. Scheider is probably the most celebrated film icon in the War on Animals for blowing the head off of a great white shark in Jaws.
The movie is largely credited with reminding people of the dangers in the ocean, where you can always see creatures approaching, especially if you are skinny dipping alone near a large buoy late at night. In our warrior hearts, Scheider will always be remembered for his immortal line as he fired the fatal shot, “Smile, you son of a b–[BOOM!]”
The hospital isn’t saying how Scheider died, but this blog has its own theories.
Speaking of death and animals, mourners at a London funeral were treated to a horrible sight, when horses pulling the deceased’s casket broke into a stampede. The carriage tipped over, bouncing the casket around and throwing flowers here and there.
The bumpy ride to eternal slumber finally ended at the cemetery, but many mourners were so upset they had to be restrained. As this blog always says: don’t let an animal do a job any machine could do. Machines haven’t attacked us–yet.
The McBournie Minute: I love the Patriots
This week, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re writing our features about love. Also, you will be treated to daily editions of MasterChugs Theater with “Love in the Theater.”
“Heroes never last long because, although they may inspire us to become more, they remind us of our own shortcomings. We appreciate them at first, but then we look at our own lives and wonder, ‘Why not me?’ At first, ‘why not me’ means, ‘I could do that, too.’ But after a while … ‘why not me’ turns into ‘I’m not that great, and neither is that person.'” —Rick Snee
I love the New England Patriots. I guess it’s because of Bryan Schools’ column last Tuesday, or that I’m still not over the game, but I am sick of everybody bashing the Patriots. This is the last time I will talk about it. I retract my statement last week, I will not argue that they deserved to win Super Bowl XLII. The Pats looked flat from the very beginning, especially before the game. For some reason, no one was bouncing around or talking a big game. They simply moped out to the field like it was just another practice. IT WAS THE EFFING SUPER BOWL!
No, the Patriots did not deserve to win. But neither did the New York Giants.