Day: February 20, 2008

Take it from Snee: Wii’s days are numbered

Now that Sony’s Blu-Ray has defeated Toshiba’s HD-DVD format, there is no reason not to buy a Playstation 3.  The Nintendo Wii has coasted on novelty, but its failures as a serious gaming platform will be no match for a PS3 market.

Don’t get me wrong: the Wii is pretty cool. I own one, but I still ignore most of my real world responsibilities with my computer. The ability to throw my wiimote through my LCD screen doesn’t make up for its shortcomings. Besides, I can already do that with my remote control.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Wii’s days are numbered

Staying active in the twilight years

Getting in a car accident can be a bummer (just ask my roommate). Getting into a car accident on your 72nd birthday can be even worse. That’s what happened to Rodell Alton Cole of Maryland recently, but that wasn’t the worst of his day.

Cole got into a minor fender bender with another motorist, so the police had to get involved. They found the senior citizen was driving on a suspended license and asked him to empty out his car. During this process, Cole removed a rather heavy bag police found to allegedly contain 156.2 pounds of marijuana, a street value of $1.4 million.

Police said they think Cole was on a drug run from New York City, but failed to comment on whether or not he had driven the whole way down going 45 mph on the highway with his blinker on.

Das consumare vootch

A note to recently widowed German women-if you’re receiving billing and correspondence for “mail-order pornography that was secretly purchased by your formerly alive husbands“, here’s a heads up. They’re bad people. They’re scammers. Do not have them over for summer sausage, streudel and cookies. Your beloved almost certainly did buy porn, there’s no doubt in the world about that, but The Guys are pretty sure you don’t have pay for it once they’re gone.

Time to invade Antarctica?

Antarctica, the Bizarro-world equivalent to our arctic circle, is getting out of hand. Not only does it refuse to submit to U.S. authority (and an Alaska II: Even Colder renaming), we have just learned that it is growing larger ocean animals to discourage an invasion.

“‘Gigantism is very common in Antarctic waters — we have collected huge worms, giant crustaceans and sea spiders the size of dinner plates,’ Australian scientist Martin Riddle, voyage leader on the research ship Aurora Australis, said on Tuesday.”

That’s right: Antarctica is violating our trust to build an unholy animal army. We have the chance to hit them now, before they threaten our very borders!

Our proposal is simple: control the growth of the icy continent as we have in the north, thin out the animal population and get those meddling scientists real jobs in the erectile pharmacology sector.

China steps up the enforcement

Every country needs to keep an eye on the animals within its borders, with this war going on. And it’s nice to see one country has finally taken the 1984 approach. Not surprisingly, that country is China.

Yes, a municipality in China has begun planting microchips inside zoo animals. As reported by the country’s own government-controlled Xinhua news agency, the microchips will give zookeepers instant access to information, including the animal’s name, age, gender, species and turn-ons.

Because this is reported by such an impartial source, we can safely assume the microchips are being distributed equally amongst all of the animal population in this most glorious experiment on the People’s behalf. And of course, the microchips will be removed before the animals are served at local restaurants.