Dear Dr. Snee,
Recently, I read about blind Iraq war veterans learning how to ski. How is this possible? Also what other activities do you recommend for blind people who still wish to stay active?
Day: February 25, 2008
Scurry to Meghalaya
Most westerners think people in India have odd sounding names. They have no idea. Over 300 politicians in the remote Indian state of Meghalaya are running for the state legislature. Let’s just say they sound like American write-ins.
This blog’s favorites:
- Adolf Lu Hitler Marak
- Frankenstein Momin
- Britainwar Dan
- Hilarius Pohchen
Ready for something that will drive you nuts all day? Why is it politicians in a remote Indian state have such pronounceable names, but you can’t find a single vowel in the name of the guy driving your cab?
Marlins want Manatees to go with Mermaids
Men of the Miami based area of Florida and other surrounding counties: are you fat? Are you so fat that because of a maternal trait passed down, you too cannot get through the bathroom door? Do you have dreams of dancing, to get down and not just funky with it, but FUN-KAY with it? Then shed hot and salty tears of shame over your KFC Famous Bowl no longer, as boy oh boy, do I have an offer for you!
The Florida Marlins want you to get into spandex and dance for the joy of an audience. You’ll be able to meet famous baseball players! You’ll be able to meet the Marlins’ female cheerleading squad, the Mermaids! And the best thing about it is that since it’s baseball, you won’t be criticized that much about your plus-size behavior. Tony Gwynn, anyone? So what do you say? Ready to dance? Yeah!
Exhibit A: your dog’s anus
Normally, this wouldn’t be a funny story. Veronica Rodriguez has served one year in jail for allegedly “running her hands through a 13-year-old boy’s hair and pulling the back of his head against her covered chest in the middle of a crowded game room at the Boys and Girls Club in Hillsboro.” Now she might be going back for another five years for the same incident.
That’s right: she didn’t sleep with him, didn’t send him dirty pictures on his cell phone, didn’t even give him an “A” for lookin’ fine in jeans. In other words, the action that sent her to jail might have been unintentionally sexual. Speaking as adult males only mildly out of adolescence, teenage guys find sex in Masterpiece Theatre.
No, this story is funny because of the argument her public defender, Robert Gartlan, presented to the Oregon Supreme Court on her behalf:
“‘Causing the back of a boy’s head to be placed against the clothed chest of a 23-year-old counselor is qualitatively different from causing a 12-year-old boy to place his tongue or his penis in the family dog’s anus …. The conduct in this case must be one of the mildest, most technical forms of ‘sexual abuse’ that one could contemplate.'”
Please, think of the dog’s anus. This blog knows you’ll follow your heart.
The McBournie Minute: I hate Larry the Cable Guy
A few years ago, Jeff Foxworthy and a couple of his buddies got together for a stand-up comedy show they took on tour, and eventually filmed. When released on DVD, the show sold like hotcakes. But we didn’t realize what had happened. We let the toothpaste out of the tube, and all we could say in response was “GIT R DONE!”
Sure, the accent was funny, the material was fresh and it was fun to see a grown man walk around in a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off. I admit to having seen all three Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVDs, but I never watched the television show. Larry’s occasional turn of phrase and intelligence that showed past his dumb redneck persona was pretty entertaining for a while. But then it turned into a larger problem: that’s all he does. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I hate Larry the Cable Guy