Day: February 26, 2008

Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

Forget college basketball. Forget Roger “I didn’t take no freaking steroids” Clemens, forget the NBA, forget it all. This week we’re tackling romance, but not in that kind of awkward “son, we need to talk” type of way, no, I’m sick of celebrity sports dating. This needs to end.

Honestly, since when has a sports icon’s career been defined by People Magazine or Tiger Beat (is that still around?) covers as opposed to their on field performance. Important figures like completion percentage and assist-to-turnover ratio are being replaced by daily taglines of “what they did on their magical week in Mexico.”

The madness needs to stop. The sports world needs to keep from becoming a mock version of E! Continue reading Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

Update to ‘South and South: Civil War II?’

SeriouslyGuys has received urgent news from the frontlines of a disputed border between Tennessee and Georgia.

In response to the Georgian legislature’s resolution to annex portions of Tennessee below the 35th parallel, Ron Littleford, the mayor of the contested city of Chatanooga is sending a single truck full of bottled water across the border with a counter-proclamation.

The enclosed proclamation rejects Georgia’s “land and water grab” and suggests “focusing on [more productive] conservation efforts.”

Could this water truck be carrying more than sarcasm and water into the Georgia heartland? It would be irresponsible of this blog to say so, but it does coincide with another event in history.

Spoiler alert!

There has been a lot of fanfare about the new Indiana Jones Movie finally getting made. It’s been in the works for over a decade, so it better be good. But it seems something with so much fanfare is destined for problems in today’s world.

This blog regrets to inform you that at approximately 11:30 am EST, CNN.com leaked the top secret plot points for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Many of you will not want to read this, because it could spoil the movie. So we will provide you with a link at the bottom, so you can choose to read on at your own risk. The Guys feel it necessary to say that it is a tragedy this had to happen.

Here it is.

‘Give me a kiss to build a dream on, and my imagination will build upon that kiss …’

In more Norse news, an Arctic “doomsday vault” was recently inaugurated, thus creating a veritable cornucopia of seeds with which countries can mooch from (Democratic Republic of Yemen, I’m looking at you) in the event of the end times. Don’t fret about the safety of the base, as its defenses are more than capable of stopping any malcontent.

“Protected by high walls of fortified concrete, an armoured door, a sensor alarm and the native polar bears.”

Yes, ladies and gents, we may have finally turned the tide of the War on Animals by using them for our own purposes. There should be no more humiliating way for person trying to betray the human race for their own good to die other than by death from an animal. As for the people clamoring about “won’t this just keep the animals alive?” Hey, they’re in the Arctic. It’s not like there’s a lot of people just coming and going in there willy-nilly as it is.

Some of you may have heard talk of something similar this project being produced, except the location to be on the moon in the event of the Earth being assimilated. That’s been put on hold, as they had problems getting the polar bears into the shuttle.

You’re a Norse

Archaeologists are now participating in the “Hot or Not: History Edition” game.  The latest candidates are Viking women, who were discovered to wear provocative garments that put their breasts on snack trays.

So when you next encounter a group of women dressed out for a night on the club, don’t say they’re dressed like whores, but like Norse.

Booty call

In an effort to protect their dogs from glass shards and other harmful street dangers, German police are taking an effort to protect their dogs. That’s right, they’re calling for more booty.

Results have yet to be determined on this new experiment, though some dogs have gone to therapy over hearing shouts of “back that thang up,” “holla German Shepherd” and “doggy got back!”

For continuing coverage of dogs and their rumps, stay tuned to SeriouslyGuys.

Headline of the Day

There are many ways to die, but normally, one doesn’t think of groundskeeping machinery as a possible source of a dirt nap. Apparently it can come for even Buddhists.

Reverend Seiji Handa, a Buddhist monk from Japan, was in England trimming the grass around his peace pagoda when his tractor got away from him and he slipped under it. Don’t worry, folks, he’ll be reincarnated.