Day: February 27, 2008

Take it from Snee: Why the world needs the Whimlander

Today’s “Take it from Snee” is a joint-effort with our little sister publication, Radford University’s Whim Internet Magazine. To fill in SG readers who don’t know the Whimlander, he’s an undead Scottish warrior who was resurrected from the days of William Wallace to protect Whim from all enemies, foreign and domestic. Since I spent a few weeks with the Whimlander back in 2007 to play him in Whimlander: The Movie, I wrote this article as part of Whimlander Awareness Week.

My personal/professional history with the Whimlander is long and storied, as evidenced by my previous articles on him: “I spent the night with the Whimlander” and “Why the world doesn’t need the Whimlander.” If you didn’t read those other articles, don’t bother looking for them. (Like I said, long and storied.)

The point is that I was wrong when I said the world doesn’t need the Whimlander. The current state of the world—and the check from the Whimlander Awareness Program—has convinced me that the Whimlander provides a service to not only Whim Internet Magazine, but the entire world that no mere Superman or Highlander could ever aspire to.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Why the world needs the Whimlander

Today’s lesson: Search and seizure

Once again, our tax dollars are going to waste because our nation insists on “educating” its offspring. We as a society put way too much trust in these people with our children. We need hall monitors for our teachers.

In Kentucky, a teacher left a $5 bill on her desk (why? Because she lacks common sense) and was surprised when it turned up missing shortly thereafter. In a case of overall reasonability, the teacher then patted down the entire third-grade class and made them take off their shoes.

Naturally, parents were outraged. Not much is known about the teacher’s future, but she can certainly look forward to a career with the TSA.

Easy come, easy go

One versus a hundred, give or takeThe mayor of Arlington, Oregon, was recalled (by a mere three votes) because of a “scandalous” photo posted on her MySpace page. Now, we posit a question to our readers. What’s crazier: That a mayor has a MySpace page, that anyone cares, or that she could grate blocks of stale cheese on those hardcore washboard abs? Bet she makes your mayor look like a creampuff. I know she does she does for all the mayors that I’ve had to encounter in the areas that I lived in (one was older than death, another had approximately 2 vowels in a 24 letter last name, and the most recent has been arrested under embezzling charges).

And no, we don’t have a link to her MySpace page.

Pixelation can’t prevent

It looks like the FCC‘s back at it again. The government group is fining Fox TV affiliates $7,000 for showing a naked bachelor party scene on some ridiculous reality show that nobody watched … but they’re only fining stations that somebody complained to. That’s 13 out of 169 in the network, which my calculator function tells me comes out to a grandiose number of one whole percent. More than that, the offensive material was fully pixelated, but still allegedly has the power to offend. Apparently, it’s OK to broadcast whatever you like as long as you never open your mail.

Warrior of the Week: Los Angeles

Yes, you read that right. Los Angeles, Calif. is leading the fight against animal-kind, now with a law “requiring most cats and dogs to be spayed or neutered by the time they are 4 months old.”

How will this be possible? They are using a van. (No, seriously.)

“Councilman Richard Alarcon, who […] is a co-author of the bill, brought his two pet Chihuahuas to the event to be neutered in a van operated by the city.”

Of course, we are talking about Hollywood here, so there are some shady exceptions, like “those that have competed in shows or sporting competitions, guide dogs, animals used by police agencies and those belonging to professional breeders.”

So, this doesn’t prevent another direct-to-DVD Air Bud, but it is a step that most cowards are too afraid to take in the War on Animals.  Congratulations, LA: you’re our Warrior of the Week.