MasterChugs Theater: ‘Super Mario Bros.’
Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under March Morts, MasterChugs Theater | Leave a Comment |
SeriouslyGuys turned two earlier this week. This can mean two things: 1) it’s March, and 2) if it’s March, then it’s the season for the birthdays of both my mother and my younger brother. And, faithful reader, how do I celebrate those birthdays? With the triumphant return of “MasterChugs March Movie Mort Month.” Yes, loyal SG-ites will remember that during the month of our birthday, I celebrate the absolute bottom of the film world. Be afraid, as it’s not going to be a fun ride. What’s the first bump? A little film called Super Mario Bros. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSome people shouldn’t be allowed to drink
Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under Booze News | Leave a Comment |
Important parenting tip from The Guys: So your 4 year-old won’t stop whining and asking you questions while drooling on his or herself. Might as well get the kid drunk–not like they can slur their words anymore, right?
Wrong.
Don’t send your toddler to school smashed, no matter how much they beg for it. They may complain about how they can’t cope with the social scene, or say that it helps them sleep at nap time, or how their teacher is always busting their balls, demanding more reading time and less time playing with toys. But that doesn’t mean alcohol is the answer.
Wait until they are 6 before you give them their first nip. Because learning to walk is hard enough when you’re sober.
(Courtesy of Courtney P.)
Written by Bryan McBournieSaturn blows rings around theories, gives them to moon
Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science! | Leave a Comment |
It’s no secret that Saturn is one wacky and crazy planet. But not so much in the “funny European tourist guy” type of wacky and crazy, but more in the “I’m going to kill you at midnight, and by midnight, I mean right now” type of wacky and crazy. Of course, given its symbolism in East Asian astrology as an icon of death, that’s really not too much of a stretch. Nonetheless, Saturn just got wackier-again. Now it’s got an STD-metaphorically speaking.
After years (eons (millenniums ?) ?), Saturn’s second largest moon, Rhea, may now have gained rings. If confirmed by the Cassini spacecraft, it would the first time a ring system has been found around a moon.
Now, does this mean anything pertinent to our existence? Not really, unless Saturn decides to send Rhea toward us as a whirling dervish of death and destruction. Ultimately though, this just proves that the more we learn about our own solar system, the more we realize we don’t know crap. I know people will probably disagree with me, but I for one am glad that we live in a society that’s willing to devote a lot of time and money to projects that are purely for scientific discovery without any tangible payback other than knowledge … even if most of the time, there’s no payback at all.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe Lord blesses you and your obsession, Brother Klepto
Posted on March 7, 2008
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A Benedictine monk from Germany was busted for shoplifting gay porno DVDs and then a search of his monastery room revealed an unholy cache of more than 200 discs of possibly but probably purloined and pilfered purpose-put porn. And seashells sought out by a seashore. The only thing that I wonder about though is how did he keep his thievery quiet for so long?
Oh … right. Yeah. Vow of silence and all that jazz.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe end of French men?
Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under Headline of the Day, It Must Be Science! | 1 Comment |
Ever notice how much we write about studies? Well, so long as they reveal things like “French women ‘are the sexual predators now,’” we’re gonna bring them to your attention.
Not only have French women become more sexually aggressive, but the men are calling the whole thing off: one-in-five young French men have “no interest in sex.” Things will reach critical mass very soon as 90% of those women remain sexually active after turning 50.
Unless the men start appreciating French women again, this will not end well for them.
Written by Rick SneeIt’s not a birdie, it’s not an eagle …
Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals | 1 Comment |
We all remember that glorious fastball thrown by Randy Johnson that made a pigeon explode. The fact that it was caught on tape has cemented in the annals of history. Currently, it sits at the top of ESPN’s list of Greatest Highlights of the War on Animals. Now, there’s a new one.
A golfer killed a protected hawk because it was making noise during the filming of his show. Tripp Isenhour was filming a television show when a red shouldered hawk began squawking loudly and disrupting Isenhour. He got mad, drove over to the tree the hawk was in, and started hitting balls at it. Clearly, the bird was stupid, because it never flew off.
When the hawk came in closer, Isenhour said “I’ll get him now,” and hit the bird, killing it.
Now for some reason, the Humane Society is getting all uppity about it, and Isenhour could get fined or sent to jail for 14 months. This blog really doesn’t see why. Everyone who has ever golfed, regardless of their stance in the War on Animals, enjoys making birds scatter with an errant shot. Isenhour just had the drive to accomplish his goal–the sign of a true athlete and dedicated warrior.
Written by Bryan McBournie