Eat My Sports: Call it in the air
Posted on March 11, 2008
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A bird pooped on my car this week. My week is usually filled with strange things happening, however this week started with a bird letting one fly on my window. So, needless to say, I’m feeling lucky. Despite the fact that I have absolutely NO Italian heritage, I learned this week that it is a sign of good luck, this is according to Italians, for those finding it hard to keep up.
I am going to have to give due credit here, I had no idea that flying excrement was a sign of good luck until I was finishing up reading Bill Simmons’ Now I Can Die In Peace. Ironically enough, both of us were thinking of the Sox at the time of impact by flying bird poo, weird. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsBritain doesn’t like lampposts
Posted on March 11, 2008
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Sorry to pull a Kanye, everyone, but it had to be said. In the last few months, men in England have been arrested for attempting to have sex with a bicycle, a fence, a vacuum cleaner and now … a lamp post. Just yesterday, we posted a story about how the Brits are running into lampposts because of preoccupied minds. Now, they seem to be only occupied with lampposts on the brain. SG doesn’t know what’s going on over there, but just maybe a certain governor (think New York) could recommend some alternative forms of entertainment for these fellows?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSpeak nothing but evil
Posted on March 11, 2008
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A new study has found that monkeys communicate in a much more intelligent way than we ever thought before. In fact, the study compares the communication to whales and dolphins.
What could be most frightening is that any single sound doesn’t mean a thing. It’s more like a combination of sounds that mean specific messages. Think of it as Morse code. Folks, this is terrible news. One of our greatest advantages is that we can talk to each other and the animals can’t really. Now we have to be more worried about the enemy giving away our position.
Who knows how much they have already learned about us.
Written by Bryan McBournieYou’re under arrest, stinky
Posted on March 11, 2008
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You remember the smelly kid in your class, right? Maybe they didn’t shower everyday. Or they ran six-miles through the snow, uphill both ways, to get to school a-reekin’. Perhaps they bought the wrong surplus army boots.
In any case, one Minnesota lawmaker has had enough. State Rep. Karen Clark (D) introduced a bill on Monday to launch an awareness campaign on how bad kids stink there.
We had a similar program back in high school. It was called, “Think fast, stinky!”
In related news: apparently Axe body spray does not attract teachers and lady legislators. Looks like Unilever (the company that makes Axe) has finally discovered cougar repellant.
Written by Rick SneeNew sin city … er, Earth
Posted on March 11, 2008
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Modern times call for modern sins. Bust out your blackberry, take out a piece of paper and sharpen your No.2 pencil, for the Catholic Church has updated its list of sins to match our modern times. For example: it is a sin to not be enviromentally minded.
Al Gore would be proud.
Written by Bryan SchoolsBud: The official sponsor of Missouri?
Posted on March 11, 2008
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Lawmakers know what’s really important to the public. They know why people elected them: because the people need someone to speak out on the big issues for them. One such issue is beer.
A Missouri state lawmaker wants to make Budweiser the official state beer. Because when you think the best beer an entire state can muster up, you turn to the bland, over-carbonated taste of Budweiser.
“‘We’ve got a state dinosaur, a state frog, a state reptile, a state flower, a state nut, but no one has given a thought to a company that’s been in Missouri for many, many years and is bringing prosperity to our state and manufacturing a product in our state that many people enjoy,’ Dougherty said.”
In other news, Missouri is looking to change its slogan to “Great Taste, Less Filling.”
Written by Bryan McBournie